Today, my girlfriend freaked out on me because I answered her call on the first ring. According to her, it implies that I'm desperate, always horny, and just want her for the sex. Just last week she got pissed because I waited three rings to answer. Apparently that means I'm cheating on her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out my girlfriend had changed my ringtone to some woman moaning with pleasure continuously. I found this out in the middle of a job interview when she rang me. FML
Today, I fucked up when I answered a phone call. I wasn't sure who the number was at first, and it turned out to be my ex girlfriend who had apparently been stalking me. She asked me how my new girlfriend was, and as I answered it in front of my girlfriend, she's now depressed. FML
Today, the phone rang so I went to answer it. No one was there. A minute later the phone rang again and no one answered so I assumed it was a telemarketer or a prank so I started swearing uncontrollably in rage. Turns out it was my crush calling to ask me out, but she was too nervous to ask. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. Her phone rang, and she stopped to answer it. It was her ex-boyfriend, calling her from jail. She talked to him for 15 minutes. To top it all off, before she hung up, I heard her tell him she loved him, and couldn't wait for him to get out. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom. Her phone rang and she stopped to have an hour long conversation with her ex. FML
Today, my girlfriend berated me for my "lack of communication skills", all while deeply engrossed with something on her phone. FML
Today, my mother, who thinks I'm a virgin, called me while I was having sex with my boyfriend. I have to answer every time she calls or she freaks out. I ended the conversation quickly and hung up. Or so I thought. She listened in to the rest of our 20-minute lovemaking session, and I have some explaining to do. FML
Today, after weeks of my girlfriend moaning that I never go anywhere, I went out with some friends. An hour in, she started blowing up my phone. When I answered it, she was screaming in rage because I wasn't home to cook dinner. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my girlfriend. Just as she said "I love you", the credit on my phone runs out. She now thinks that I've purposely hung up on her. She refuses to speak to me until I tell her the real reason I hung up. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me how I am too occupied with work for our relationship. Before we had sex I told my friend to call me in ten minutes so I can pretend its my boss and I would throw the phone away to impress her. He called me in ten minutes, but I only lasted five. FML
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Top comments
kleider1 9
Dude. I think she has trust issues
ChickenInMyKitch 4
You gotta wait for that second ring brah
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Comments (477)
kleider1 9
Dude. I think she has trust issues
Iamnotmyself 17
Hump and dump, quick.
chuckychan 8
what does four rings mean? What if she got a busy signal, shit that would be bad. hit it and quit it.
dyble95 0
Dude.. Gtfo of there. Some woman are really attached and flip out at the stupidest shit. It only gets worse, trust me.
Shadow1368 17
...so what does two rings mean??
MicMic_fml 7
No shit, Sherlock..
BelleBelle_fml 11
You may be like that, but don't include the rest of us.
JohnBoyFsYL 10
LEAVE. HER. NOW.
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
1st ring: Desperate 2nd ring: Desperate AND Cheating 3rd ring: Cheating 4th ring: Ignored 5th ring: GTFO
hobbsicle805 0
dude **** that shit break up with that shit bro
CarsAndMoney 5
dude break up with her because you'll just have more problems later on. Also just so you dont get dumped first.
X_Codes 11
I agree with 1. Don't hump and dump, just dump. If she comes begging you to go back with her, though, then make sure she knows that she's got to chill the f out.
nerdness 2
thats why u obviously answer on thr seond ring.. goshhhh
kutiekathy 2
sorry man. If she's being this bitchy and annoying, she's basically asking you to dump her so she doesn't have to dump you first.
Hugh_Spreadum 4
**** it and chuck it
alqahtmm 0
time to geta new girlfriend . ****** hate sketchy people
rallets 23
#171 stole my phrase >:( smash it and trash it
jessie96xoxo 0
Break up with that physco... Like now...
weewee1 0
well obviously op the magic number is 2
Jvr91 8
That's when a bitch gotta go
Link5794 18
187 Screw with it and be through with it. Get what you want and walk out the front. Get some head and leave it in bed.
My_Name_Is_ 5
So what does a no answer mean? Hide cause she's comin at you with a knife?
EvilPotato 15
hmmm...
MrFlintstone 5
One ring too quick three rings to long maybe two rings is just right. Wait are you dating goldy locks?
Oiliver 0
Two rings the charm
YDI__Bitch 0
OP just needs to learn to answer on the second ring or drop the bitch.
ReynshineCutting 10
I love how everyone says to just dump her. If he's at all emotionally invested in her it's not that simple. People have problems. If you expect to marry someone perfect one day you'll be waiting forever. She's probably been screwed over before, and she could easily have depression fueling this. OP should talk to her about it and help her through her issues if he cares about her. If he was just in it from the beginning for sex only then whatever, but if he has any feelings for her dumping her is definitely not the best choice.
Futacy 30
Just dump her
fmlsrfny 0
I agree or just dump her
fmlsrfny 0
Ggg
sunlovinmama 1
She is really insecure and immature that everything has to fit perfectly into her idea of how a relationship should go. FYL
NostalgiaFreak9 43
Not only that, she's a complete psycho.
Amrel 10
Bitches be crazy
Reign_fml 3
cheers to that my friend
Faleni 4
I suggest hit it and quit it!! She's trippin!
terranada 3
Dump the stupid crazy bitch
Pawned71 0
2nd chime ---> pick up?
Pawned71 0
2nd chime ---> pick up?
JPdance 5
Bitches will be bitchin(;
OcampoFTW 4
Well, are you horny???
maz_irken 6
She sounds lovely.
larisonr 4
That's an unfair question, everybody's horny.
jglenn88 0
Dont answer the damn phone!
annasworld 3
sounds like a keeper
ChickenInMyKitch 4
You gotta wait for that second ring brah
DarkHelmet 10
RIGHT!!!! Common sense!!
itsgen 16
this is so immature
gaganinia 14
ring ring!!''. hello..
Shadow_Phantom 26
I agree completely. FYL, OP.
cradle6 13
98- YOU HAVE A BAD CONNECTION. haha I loved that
SunDropGirl 0
Ou need to dump he ass that's just creepy and strange.
damadrappa 4
Simple math really
itzgiimo 1
took the words from my brain.
SOD_sonofdixie 5
you gotta tell that bitch to chill the hell out
justmyswag 9
Ring Ring ************!!
lvgurlie89 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
helloooooo... answer on the 2nd ring every time she calls. is that too much to ask?!
Dr_Jalepenos 0
yeah retard
omgcookeys 15
Wanting a phone to ring a specific number of rings is a bit odd. And three rings shouldn't mean hes cheating? One ring would mean that the phone was just nearby
moojugs 6
Unless he always had his phone with him, (ALWAYS), then yes.
Keyman1212 14
It doesn't matter if that phone is mutha ******' super glued to his head, he doesn't have to pick it up right away.
eminemchick 19
182 u just made my dayXD
lvgurlie89 6
Hahaha. I love the fact that you were all born in the 90s and and aren't mentally developed enough to have learned to decipher when someone is being sarcastic. don't worry kids... give it a few more years and you'll catch on. [;
quiXotic11 3
Just because someone was born in the 90's does not determine their intelligence level and ability to decipher sarcasm. idiot.
hopelessxdesign 5
it wasn't the fact that it was sarcasm that got it voted down, it was the fact that it was poorly done.
SirWrangler 5
What I am wondering is how creepy you are. Did you really check all their profiles and then make an immature comment about immaturity?? How much time do you have?
charliesam 0
You must be his gf
mimi_animee 18
Yes, yes it is.
kenziem18 0
has anyone heard of sarcasm.,?
ashisthebomb 0
Wow you must think you're soo cool
cbaidchris 6
is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch??
heyitscandace 9
Your comment made my day lol
elite_stoner 0
lmao
badass243 6
she better be hot and you better not marry her
nicki10123 0
Haha is ur pic from degrassi?! I think I recognize it! I lobe that show haha
justalilrandom2 4
Isn't it from that angel movie with Ben Affleck?
jangalianxi 6
It's Jay and Silent Bob for gods sake >.
TrollFeeder 10
Jesus, its Jay and Silent Bob not some gay show that Drake was a cripple on.
thrAsHeRr9081 16
They were on Degrassi at one point, but you fail for looking at that picture and having Degrassi come to mind.
Nico1929 5
Guys, guys, c'mon... she made a mistake but she's very mature! in fact she's more mature than most teens on things like love, sex, and murder... Yeah.... P.S. WTF
youknowimright 5
holy crap. thank you for those who actually lnew this amazing movie. i was filling with rage until i saw others correcting the inexcusable error.
Annekcm1996 0
answer on th 2nd ring
lolyourlifesucks 5
Um dude, girl is crazy. Might want to dump her so that it doesn't escalate to a very very bad time! But don't worry eventually she will find a nice guy that will compliment her craziness! They will have much fun and have their own room at the mental hospital!
chillinAK 9
Wow, that's a little......crazy. Be glad she dumped you-this is the first step. Then comes the midnight tapping at windows, cut out magazine letters, stealing locks of your hair....you get the picture.
larisonr 4
He never said she dumped him.
BelleBelle_fml 11
Agreed @26, although the last part of her comment may be true...
LaughinStock 16
12 you forgot one more step: calling op's house and hanging up when they answer..creepy stuff 0.o
nightfire2258 24
Something tells me you have first hand experience with this O.o
nicki10123 0
Lol
youknowimright 5
nicki10123 after post 114 please stop