Today, my girlfriend told me how I am too occupied with work for our relationship. Before we had sex I told my friend to call me in ten minutes so I can pretend its my boss and I would throw the phone away to impress her. He called me in ten minutes, but I only lasted five. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, when my boyfriend came over he was on his phone. We spent about 15 minutes together before having sex, then he made a phone call and said he had to leave. I could hear him from my window apologising to his coworker because he “just had to do something real quick but was now free to talk again.” FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom. Her phone rang and she stopped to have an hour long conversation with her ex. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex when he stopped responding. Five minutes later and ready to hang up, he apologized because he got distracted with his game of Tetris. FML
Today, my girlfriend text me and told me to do something sexy because she was going to FaceTime me. I eagerly dropped my pants and started stroking it to get ready for her. As soon as I opened her call, she was standing with my wife. I literally got caught with my dick in my hand. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML
Today, my girlfriend were having sex. When I finished, she whispered in my ear, "30 seconds." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. Her phone rang, and she stopped to answer it. It was her ex-boyfriend, calling her from jail. She talked to him for 15 minutes. To top it all off, before she hung up, I heard her tell him she loved him, and couldn't wait for him to get out. FML
Today, I went over to talk to my boss. I must have snuck up on her because she was masturbating through her pants. She stopped and I had to chat away, pretending I didn't notice. FML
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Top comments
Jimboom 12
Dumbass. Should have had a wank beforehand. Or learn to slow down when you think your about to pop. Pull out, kiss her a little, maybe try some different positions. But if this performance is anything to go by then it's not your work that your girl is annoyed with. It's the lack of ******'s she is having from you.
mich23 10
it might have been smarter to just be like, im going to turn my phone off so that i wont get any business calls, plus you plan could have backfired so much b/c she could have been like "go into work, i was just being selfish" and then you would have to leave
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Comments (103)
King_of_Kings 3
first ooh shit. that sucks. should have taken it slow
mich23 10
it might have been smarter to just be like, im going to turn my phone off so that i wont get any business calls, plus you plan could have backfired so much b/c she could have been like "go into work, i was just being selfish" and then you would have to leave
riddle143 15
Or just play it off. Lay there enjoy being next to her. Throw the phone away pretending it's your boss. Tell her she's more important to you than work. Maybe that'll turn her on enough for round two and you can actually give her an ******.
Jimboom 12
Dumbass. Should have had a wank beforehand. Or learn to slow down when you think your about to pop. Pull out, kiss her a little, maybe try some different positions. But if this performance is anything to go by then it's not your work that your girl is annoyed with. It's the lack of ******'s she is having from you.
lilpurplekat 9
honestly Idc how long my bf last, he's gotten me off in 5 minutes before. as long as I get off first everything is good. and if he doesn't get me off he kisses me and messes with me until he can go again. quality not quantity.
King_of_Kings 3
yo Jimboom, using my take it slower idea are ya? thats cool, but i said it first this time.
jsx12345 0
Go to ******* hell bitch. stop trying to act cool, you 12 year old.
kika_fml 0
Hahahahaha! Wow.
Jimboom 12
Hey Kings, Yea sorry. You got their first, looks like your quick on the draw today. ;-) Still.. this guy and girl sound like they have more problems than just simply this one.
King_of_Kings 3
#6 it's cool man. no need to apologise. i think that maybe these 2 should take a nice trip somewhere to spend some time with eachother and talk out whatever problems they have and have some real fun. what do you think?
ful_fml 0
Before this site, I never would have believed that people actually pulled cheesy little stunts like this in real life.
GrooveSponge 0
Agreed. :D
mrcarmine 0
at least you didn't have to worry about her getting sore...
ammali 0
So wait, you told her you were too busy for her and then slept with her, and she let you? O_o