Today, I awoke to banging at my door. It was my neighbor, accusing me of stealing her mail to spy on her, because apparently she thinks I must be some sort of secret agent. The cops don't believe me when I call, and she won't go away. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I awoke to the sound of my neighbors attacking my car with a baseball bat accusing me of calling the cops on them. I did call the cops on them, after they screamed at me last night, drunkenly, to call the cops for them because they thought they were being robbed. FML
Today, I found out that the woman who I punched in the face after I caught her on my porch snooping through my mail is pressing charges. FML
Today, while I was home sick from work, my neighbor got packages delivered. Our apartments have had a lot of thefts lately so, being neighborly, I brought her stuff inside to wait. When she came home, I gave them right to her. Instead of thanking me, she told the office that I was the thief all along. FML
Today, I met my neighbor. When she saw me cutting down trees on my lot, she interrogated me and called the police because she didn't believe I owned the property. She didn't call the cops when she watched someone steal a cord of wood from my property two days ago. FML
Today, I had to call the police to get my crazy stalker of a neighbor out of my house. When the police arrived, I found out that she was friends with the officer. FML
Today, I witnessed my psycho neighbor put her cat in a cage, cross into my backyard, and set the cage down before returning to her house. She then called the cops and claimed I'd stolen her cat. The cops didn't believe my side of the story for a second. FML
Today, I slipped as I was about to take a shower, knocking myself out cold. I woke up to someone banging on my door. It was a cop checking to see if I was okay. When I asked how he knew to come, he said he was notified by "a male neighbor who called anonymously." I guess I have a peeping Tom. FML
Today, I heard my downstairs neighbor being beaten by her husband. I anonymously called 911, hoping to help. She must've seen me giving the cops my statement because as soon as they left, she knocked on my door and punched me square in the face while screaming, "Mind your own business bitch!" FML
Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML
Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, claiming I'd threatened him with a gun. Despite zero proof, they took me to the station and gave me hell. I guess what I've learned today is that you should never offend your crazy neighbor by breaking up with his daughter. FML
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Top comments
olii_fml 0
Tell her that she's blown your cover and that you're going to have to kill her
denvan 0
Tell her the aliens are coming for her
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Comments (116)
xcarxcrashx 9
don't the cops HAVE to come when you call?
NYBellz 0
restraining order ASAP
gracygirl1 0
accuse her of stealing YOUR mail. :))
imsquirrel 0
PLEASE tell me you screwed with her.
gary12 0
suck to be u
El_patron 0
ask her to give u a bj so u can continue to protect America.
someguyinCA 1
Start talking into your watch, then tell her to turn around slowly and just walk away.
TheCountess 4
Perhaps the cops would believe you if you showed them video documentation of your neighbor harassing you? Next time she comes over, try recording the incident. If that doesn't work, at least you'll have a funny video of some crazy chick for YouTube. :) Videos have gone viral for less.
FML_login_is_gay 0
u should say that if u think I'm secret agent that she should get off your door step or you'll have to kill her
laundryninja 1
then file a complaint!