Today, my parents think that I don't understand all the sexual euphemisms in their conversations. One of the more recent ones being made by my dad at the dinner table, "This sausage is great, honey, but mine is bigger and tastier!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML
Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML
Today, I showed my parents the latest excerpt from my first book. It's about narratology. My dad thought I was writing about meat. He read "peaks and valleys" as "pork and veal." FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, I was at a barbeque with my family, my boyfriend, and some mutual acquaintances. Someone jokingly called my boyfriend a pussy, to which he loudly replied, "I guess I am what I eat!" My mother was sitting across from us. FML
Today, I had a nice, open chat with my mother. I accidentally let slip that I'm a nymphomaniac. She accidentally let slip that my dad is bad in bed. I don't think either of us will be chatting so openly for awhile. FML
Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML
Today, my husband referred to me as his “favorite meat sock” in front of our son. FML
Today, my parents yet again spent over ten minutes discussing and joking about something minor about me, in this case my preference for Pepper Jack cheese over American. They've done this my whole life, and refuse to understand why I suffer from such crippling self-consciousness. FML
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Top comments
SexyBeast145 0
dude that's so gross hahaha
tnlander 20
Try the shock reply. "Dad no one at this table wants to eat your ****. Now can I please finish my dinner?" That will shut him up.
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Comments (334)
SexyBeast145 0
dude that's so gross hahaha
courtneyward 1
At least it was your dad saying that not your mom
jacob4848 4
Tell your dad " Don't be silly wrap your willy "
OkayImSorry 0
^ Well that wouldn't really matter when the parents are married and probably pretty old. Really condoms probably haven't been used in that relationship for a long time.
OkayImSorry 0
^ Well that wouldn't really matter when the parents are married and probably pretty old. Really condoms probably haven't been used in that relationship for a long time.
CatEyes66 0
You should of told your dad that you like stabbing sausages with your fork.
OkayImSorry 0
IT happened.
tatababe 1
you shoulda been like don't be silly it's way tinnier
garrettsgirl 0
that's gross, obviously OP parents need to come up with better code names for when they try to talk about sexual things.
YFDIOP 0
you should've said "THAT'S WHAT HE SAID!" even though they already meant it like that lol
MaCOOLiT 5
so how does the ops dad know his "sausage" is "tastier"? LOL
fthislyfe 22
oh my God this is so awkward! I'm really sorry for you OP. FYL
dummbrunette 0
"Well dad, since your sausage is soo much bigger and tastier, why don't you wip one out so I can try it? I mean, we are talking about food here, aren't we?" And that's when you bat your eyelids dramatically >:D
holygodthatshars 0
I know what you mean, that exact same thing happens with me and my parents. it's disturbing.
JenL_fml 7
Scarred for life.
holybuckets 0
You'd think it would be a bit akward for the parents to talk about their sex life. But NO obviously not..
GigaPudding_fml 24
I don't see the big problem here really, I find that quite funny and would just have responded "eww, dad come on! hahaha" Sometimes it's better to just laugh rather than complain :)
flavboarder 9
this happens alot to me too :(
iEatGuppies 0
at least you weren't having sausage AND tacos.
valalvax 13
sausage tacos? a sausage inside a taco!
kraine0712 2
#119 You just blew my mind.
mfmylifesrsly 30
what would a taco be? o.0 and OP at least your parents are still in love and frisky! ^_^
dolphincheddar 10
that's an fml? my dad does that all the time and I find it hilarious.. I think this is more common than op thinks.. unless my dads just a player
dolphincheddar 10
oh boo hoo.. how do you think you are alive right now? if it weren't for that night in Vegas with the midget strippers and piles of cocaine you wouldn't exist
lalalaleah4 0
"Taco" is a slang term for ******, hun.
The_Weirdo 10
Does he put a protective bun around that sausage?
missmurderx 8
Now, that's cute.
J1hill33 12
at least you weren't having hot dogs and he said " I wanna put my hot dog in your buns"
nahgemoohc 17
Would've been a lot worse if there was cheese inside:S
jaredallen69 0
no its not
alphaskater09 9
you should have stared him in the eyes and bit a big chunk of sausage off.
fmlwmty 0
there's only one thing I need to say and it's to 84.... that puppy Is adorableeee :)
i13Zero 5
-155 BLUE TACO!
bretty_boieeeeyy 0
I belive it's called a blue waffle not blue taco
storm527 3
woah u just created the wrong picture in my mind LOL
embr 0
... ok yes everyones tlking bout how awkward n gross that is.. but am i the only one tht realized they tlk sex over dinner? id become anorexic... out of any time of the day... dinner!?
raphanne_fml 33
*Facepalm* Yeah, I think everybody realized that... That's why everybody is saying that it is awkward and gross...
lcecreamNSadness 2
@282 You got it?! Smart.
Furytalon 14
Lol they blew you
moosemonkey1000 6
Eww
SOlarPanel348 0
hopefully he takes after his father.
knights95 9
I think op is a girl
joker1995 2
yea just a little nasty
Tjack_atack 0
stupid parents ftw
yoimtrollin 24
my thoughts exactly
urdirtyolduncle 15
Does your mom reply with, "Well, put that sausage in my doughnut hole and watch the cream come out! Maybe I'll swallow, maybe I'll spit it out!" That kinda turned me on, gotta admit.
F2M2L 5
lol alot of parents think we are oblivious to that kind of stuff
idontcare8l 3
my parents were shocked that i knew what a prostate was! sometimes parents dont realise we know more than them
youbruinedmylife 8
I'd thumbs up your comment but it's at +69 right now haha
derpina72 23
Although I have to admit its kinda nasty, I'd just be happy my parents are still in love. It seems that barely happens anymore.
elala_fml 0
Hahahahaha!! ewwwieee, your life sucks d:
andreas_secret 0
sounds like some nice parents... I mean they cook sausage just so they can say that
destinyo_ox 0
EWW. lol
hellokat1 0
Awesome pic :)
chocomilk82 0
agreed
Xboxgamer_fml 0
Were you eating sausage????
IndigoFuckYou 9
What? no, that's preposterious. They were obviously having meatloaf for dinner.
RMRaidersNumbah3 0
hahahah win^
Airick_TheGreat 2
hahaha 21 now that's a win
corrinaswan 0
no they were eating pancakes
CryMoreFMLs 15
Derp Buzzington.
corrinaswan 0
I didn't read the other replys
Tankkiller308 16
Nope not sausages but Mabey a taco
lajaynay 15
At least mommy is satisfied!
BIEBERSLAYER 10
she loves that spicy Italian sausage.
lajaynay 15
unless she likes it burnt.. D:
BIEBERSLAYER 10
why can't she like both or even German bratwurst.
lajaynay 15
She might like a taste of everything.
BIEBERSLAYER 10
she gets the variety pack a taste of sausage from around the world.
goaliemkl123 8
that sounds awesome beiberslayer! where can I get that?!?!?!? wait..... oh ewwww y'all are nasty!
miss_fab 0
hahaha
miss_fab 0
haha
GuessWhatKids 13
I think 51 likes it burnt.
SteelCladAngel 0
my husband is polish...I get to make polish sausage jokes haha. too bad he's a ******* prude and gets all upset when I tell him I want his polish sausage D;
SoSeductress 0
she might like sausage and tacos
lajaynay 15
I most definitely don't like it burnt. My boyfriend is Irish, welsh, and other white ethnicities.
43trauts 14
^Win
ChuckNorriss_fml 0
your hot want some of chucks sausage
fckdupzf 0
heck! how old are u?
Alysin 14
that must've been awkward lol
tnlander 20
Try the shock reply. "Dad no one at this table wants to eat your ****. Now can I please finish my dinner?" That will shut him up.
SmallTownCutie 0
I would say that. And then I would get smacked across the face.
kraine0712 2
Nice. I agree, drastic times call for drastic measures. Plus it would be hilarious.
shovels 0
What if he actually was talking about the sausage that he was eating, that would make it even more awkward than just ignoring the comment...
bieberhole69 0
me too!!!
benniful 0
Honestly? who could hit a girl? I mean I'm all about equality but then again if I said that I would get smacked across the table too so I guess that's equality for ya -___-
BMXbrett 0
I prefer 4. just sayinnn
xJudii 5
Y u m .