Today, I asked my girlfriend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said, "Was that good?" She was serious. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, after having waited three long months, my shy girlfriend finally gave me a blowjob. Everything was going really well until I said, "Wow, you're really talented. Anyone would think you've been practicing your whole life." FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML
Today, my wife was giving me a blowjob when I foolishly asked her how she got so good at giving them. She looked straight into my eyes and replied, "Practising on about six guys before you." FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML
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Top comments
_apecakez 0
LOL! is she like 10 years old, and doesn't know exactly what a ******* is? but that's sort of cute how she's innocent. n____n
Mattrocker 4
Got yourself a keeper I see
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Comments (313)
Mattrocker 4
Got yourself a keeper I see
UziTopete 0
my ex-gfl didn't know how to give me head she would lick it...for an hour till I said "ok ok that's enough!"
mcur 0
1 lol
kaliko808at702 0
ahahahahahahahahahaha dude, aren't nuns, like, the BEST fwbs everrr?!?!
iampunk 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You don't ask her. You tell her.
ljesm14 1
Maybe she was trying to be witty.
deddicatted21 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Wow thts rude. Chica dnt have ta do annythin she dnt wnt to
gress269 4
344, is it that you don't know how to spell "that" and "don't" or that you're just plain retarded.
CoolCookie210 22
Dude, when you wrote that you knew it would get voted down. Next time, don't bother
beechy1996 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I dont get it what is wrong with it being good?!
FreeDome_fml 0
a ******** involves licking, sucking, and in some cases kissing on the penis, not literally 'blowing'
illegallyblonde 3
I'm assuming you don't know what sarcasm is ...
_apecakez 0
LOL! is she like 10 years old, and doesn't know exactly what a ******* is? but that's sort of cute how she's innocent. n____n
allie2590 31
Oh god, I hope she's not 10 years old!
patrick227 1
"i swear officer, she looked 18!"
youaresofucked 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
how does anyone in the world NOT know how to give head?! you need a new gf.
66mustangrocks 4
#4 you would break up with a girl just because she's never given head before and doesn't know how to do it right? wow you're a doush
EnJey0 19
You'd replace your girlfriend simply because they don't know how to do one sexual thing? What's wrong with you
theluskateer 0
Lol, #2. I see the "1996" in your name isn't lying.
mcur 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
5 I was born in 1996 but I'm not all goody good so don't go stereotypin' k because not all 14 year olds are ritards
Darkangels_fml 0
yes the are!
Endless 0
all 14 year olds a retards. sorryvbut it's true :)
evanking 0
no, not all 14. year olds are retarted...im sorry but its not true...however a lot are,dont stereotype...when you can pull a 98 in math,then come calling us retards
sammehsaurus 0
301 It's hard to call someone a retard when you leave the "y" off of "they". Nice try though:)
redsox4021 0
when I was 14 iknew I was retarded every 14 year old is, not literally just they way you think, act, and are.. 305 proved my point by saying HEY I got 98 in math. LOL obviously you don't understand it's not that your literally retarded.
kaliko808at702 0
how bout you spell retard right, and you might have a good argument. no, I'm lying.
ThatBrownChick 0
#302 - ouch. thanks. I'm 14. douche. we're innocent young kids, not all of us should even be GIVING bjs...
JinxSNC 0
Not ALL 14 year olds are retarded. But some of the comments here make it seem like we are. -_-'
kayladance101 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
im 14 and ive probably gone wayy farther with my bf than the rest of you douchebags that are calling us retarded :)
JinxSNC 0
#318 Not only did you just PROVE we're retarded, we're ***** too! Thanks :)
kayladance101 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
oh no problem(:
DassshNT 0
to 318 you have no self respect or dignity i see.
handhugsftw 0
*ok *retards. I'm 14, and thanks, 300, for encouraging the stereotype.
meelmo 0
i would have guessed you were thirty ^
Frosc 0
Burn~
corrin925 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
#305, I'm 13, in eighth grade, and taking a high school algebra class. I'm getting a 99 -.-
jessecax 0
#331 a lot of people take algebra in 8th grade. so don't try to act like you're hot shit. mkay?
NikkiFlysKites 8
Not all 14 year olds are as stupid as many of you think. And to defend the older generation, a lot of the things we are taught today, weren't even taught when our parents were our age. It's amusing to see the lack of respect from all age groups.
sandyandellie 5
power to the 13 year olds. I plan on skipping my fourteenth year, after that interesting convo consisting words such as '****' and 'retard'.
longer09 0
BS
TastyAlice 0
lol give ur bf a bj at 14 isn't bad as long a ur not getting pregnant!
Ressamies 6
5 - ALL 1996 born ppl most likely already know what ******* is, just some of 96 born ppl make us seem like retards...
kittykatkupkake 1
Well I've just got to say I'm 13 and ever since I was in grade 4 people were perverted, going out, and talking about sex. But it took until grade 6 (middle school) for people to start having sex. I'm in grade 8 born in 1998. There's been pregnancies and a girl even got expelled for giving a boy a hand job in a school assembly. And not to mention drugs, alcohol, and rave parties. And another student got expelled for eating weed pancakes in the office of all places. A lot of kids are getting schizophrenia from over-usage of drugs. I think that not all 14 year olds are retarded, but about 90% of the whole 11 - 14 age group is retarded.
COolErKiD1414 0
You spelled retard wrong dumbass
angela3825 1
I'm 14 -__-
AnneFTW 17
Hahaha poor girl XD & what a great bf you are anouncing it to the world. LOL
YDIlover 0
So she's innocent and doesn't know what one is. Surely that's better than a girlfriend that has had an aweful lot of sex. Stop being a whiney boy and get over the fact that she doesn't know how to give you head. Jeez.
crutchboy90 0
I'm sorry but I'm afraid I must beg to differ.
rikard_fml 0
agreed
kaliko808at702 0
ouch. give her time, let her get used to it first. she can give him the purpleyhurpelys later, when she's more of a ****. or when she just urbandictionarys that bitch.
Calculate900 4
Not for me. I'd much rather have a girl that knows what she wants in bed than someone I have to teach. Makes it more fun for the both of us.
ilytyvm 25
True, but everyone has to start somewhere. The awesome thing about innocent people, is that they don't have any specific ideas about what to do yet, so you can sort of "train" them to do exactly what you like.
FahadZ 0
LOOOOOOOOOOOOL #5.. hahaha
Cookie_kaioo 0
haha! LOOOOOOOOL! Are you serious?! Give her this book as a present! tiny.cc/BHO5r JUST IN CASE she doesn't know what HAND-job is! haha.. #5 & #8 are HILARIOUS! haha ;)
nom_nom_nom 0
lol at 5.