Today, at the supermarket, I picked up a pack of toilet rolls, at which point my 5-year-old daughter turned to me and screamed, "A CLEAN BUTTHOLE IS A HAPPY BUTTHOLE!" in front of a dozen other people. I have no idea where she heard that. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year-old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping with my 4-year-old after having some major bathroom issues. As I walked over to get bananas, she yelled out in the middle of the produce section, "DO YOU STILL HAVE DIARRHEA MOMMY?!" FML
Today, in a supermarket, my four-year-old son whispered to me, asking if the checkout lady was able to wash between her fat rolls. She heard. FML
Today, my 7 year-old daughter loudly asked in the middle of a supermarket, "Mummy, what's a cunt?" FML
Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my six year-old daughter proudly announced to everyone that I fell asleep on the toilet last night. FML
Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML
Today, my toddler started chirping, "Mommy’s on the toilet!" while I was in a public restroom at our local mall. She also knocked on the stall door to make sure everyone was made aware of our exact location. FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
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Top comments
sp00derman 23
well... she's right
B0RN_kRAZY 16
She got that from the Charmin Ultra Plush toilet paper commercials... DUH
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Comments (70)
RopeRodent 4
"A DIRTY BUTTHOLE IS A CRAPPY BUTTHOLE"
itsme82 18
Op if it makes you feel any better my daughter went to the store with her dad when she was two. He would always call me sexy and I kept telling him to stop before the kid repeated it. So they go to the store and every woman they pass the kid says "sexy, sexy, sexy." He was so embarassed but I thought and still think it's pretty great. It happens.. Enjoy her while she's little. They grow up so fast.
MandieL 27
I taught my Neice "sexy" when she was about 3. It was funny when she called inanimate objects sexy because she liked them.
Goblin182 27
That's funny as hell.
nikkichanxoxo 20
She might have just made it up, my kid says the weirdest shit and I'm pretty sure she made it up herself lol
awgxkaylaxx 11
omg noo hahah
NotSoCoolKid 15
At least she doesn't want it the other way around, you lucked out in a sense lol, still awkward tho
waleedma 18
Can't argue with the logic!
EvilLittleMan 23
(_(:)_) Either way you look at it, it looks like a happy ass.
Jwaye2 7
Haha I would have pissed myself laughing if that was my kid, my goddaughter is bad for that. She remembers everything she hears and has no problem repeating it. Gotta be careful around that one.
jlujan00_fml 9
Gold