Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my six year-old daughter proudly announced to everyone that I fell asleep on the toilet last night. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year-old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML
Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML
Today, my toddler started chirping, "Mommy’s on the toilet!" while I was in a public restroom at our local mall. She also knocked on the stall door to make sure everyone was made aware of our exact location. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
Today, I woke up to find my 6-year-old daughter had duct taped me to my bed and dropped my wallet down the toilet. Well played. FML
Today, I got severe diarrhea in a public bathroom. I told my 6-year-old to stand directly outside the stall where I can see her shoes. She proceeded to inform everyone who came in that "Mommy has diarrhea." FML
Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML
Today, my daughter didn't clean the bathroom today, even though I told her yesterday that she needed to do it. She claims she forgot, because, she’s "slept since then.” FML
Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML
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Top comments
mightymart 5
hehe not so bad.. he could have caught you doing something else...
SlyTail 5
Ahhh kids..
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Comments (95)
SlyTail 5
Ahhh kids..
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
I once fell asleep on meg once... which come to of it was quite nice, except when something kept poking me all night.
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
*think damn it
Oohgaloof 0
... You mean kitchen... Fell asleep in the kitchen. Women, sigh... Give them a finger and they'll try to eat the hand
iluvhobos 5
YDI for falling asleep on the toilet. What are you, three?
urdirtyolduncle 15
Atleast your daughter didn't say, "Mommy was in a shitty situation last night."
rummydummy 3
I actually once woke up on the toilet mid peeing and fell back asleep then woke up back in bed.... I pretty much sleepwalked to the toilet and went
juicedboi 7
Were you having a shitty night?
sarapsosis 1
smack that lil turd lol
thatonename 7
40. you wouldn't be on the toilet if you were Puking into it. think then post.
EvilPotato 15
ah kids say the most funny things sometimes.
zowieandzander77 1
44--"tummy problems" can also mean diarrhea
Bizenghastly 0
what's op complaining about? it's good for kids to be proud of their parents ^_^
A7X_LoVeee 10
40/48 - what? She wouldn't be puking if she fell asleep ON the toilet.
darlingdollie 24
Are you three? look at your username.
zendaddy0 0
I guess you can say op was *puts on sunglasses* a little flushed
Pokeemon 3
Naww that's cute
ImaWiseGuy 5
did you fall in too?
KaanTech 0
lovly kid look at the bright side op's kid is not a liar
jacobepaps12345 0
she just passed out pushing the biggest shit of her life out
jacobepaps12345 0
thatd be true if she was black ;)
mightymart 5
hehe not so bad.. he could have caught you doing something else...
mightymart 5
*she
lost12 0
u fat
Shafreeka 8
dick
IscoreOnU 19
47 it is clearly not mightymart in his pic. He is a mr and it is a joke. Largest 4G network t shirt on a fat person.
that_is_Nathy 9
That terribly cute, at least as long as she's not telling everybody about all the stuff that embaresses ME.
robbiboyo 0
I've fallen asleep standing up in the shower. it was only for like 5 minutes. there's nothing wrong with sleeping on the toilet.
iLazy 0
But if you're on the toilet, how do you stand the putrid stench of your shit?
SteelCladAngel 0
not everyone ***** every time they're on the toilet
TaylorTotsYumm 10
Women don't poop.
wikkedphuka 0
omg who lied to u lmaoooo u obviously didnt see too girls one cup lmaoooo ud die!!!
SunDropGirl 0
aa 55 ya they do. I really hope you were kidding..
BostonBear 33
yeah im pretty sure all of us have done that at one point or another
bluegoldfish 7
kids say the darndest things...no but seriously you need to invest ina bathroom lock.
cocobulla1 4
lmao true!!!
GigaPudding_fml 24
You hopefully had a good reason for it
Randuhh_17 4
someone had a rough night?
fluffyrocka 0
It's okay if you're a big time crapper, just don't fall asleep and be a big time napper!
ThatFatGuyBehind 3
She could've caught you in your room doing something else . . . .