Today, at the supermarket, I picked up a pack of toilet rolls, at which point my 5-year-old daughter turned to me and screamed, "A CLEAN BUTTHOLE IS A HAPPY BUTTHOLE!" in front of a dozen other people. I have no idea where she heard that. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year-old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping with my 4-year-old after having some major bathroom issues. As I walked over to get bananas, she yelled out in the middle of the produce section, "DO YOU STILL HAVE DIARRHEA MOMMY?!" FML
Today, in a supermarket, my four-year-old son whispered to me, asking if the checkout lady was able to wash between her fat rolls. She heard. FML
Today, my 7 year-old daughter loudly asked in the middle of a supermarket, "Mummy, what's a cunt?" FML
Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my six year-old daughter proudly announced to everyone that I fell asleep on the toilet last night. FML
Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML
Today, my toddler started chirping, "Mommy’s on the toilet!" while I was in a public restroom at our local mall. She also knocked on the stall door to make sure everyone was made aware of our exact location. FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
sp00derman 23
well... she's right
B0RN_kRAZY 16
She got that from the Charmin Ultra Plush toilet paper commercials... DUH
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (70)
Estelle101_fml 13
The kids I babysit for agree with your daughter. It's okay, she's 5, at least you know that there's something she'll always clean up.
corky1992 33
Embarrassing for you, hilarious for everyone else.
richardglasscock 10
Is she wrong, though?
MandieL 27
I wouldn't call that embarrassing, I'd call that adorable, and good hygiene :)
Dodge4x4Ram 46
this kid is going places. maybe not college but places.
drewbare 7
That overused joke doesn't apply here
Tomryan279 10
Kids say the darndest things don't they
redscarf_fml 8
I don't really see anything wrong with that. I'm sure people would understand
DeadxManxWalking 27
She isn't wrong though.
TacoCat15 10
Well she's not wrong.
Thorn9000 17
Could have been worse. When I was 5 i wanted a Barbie doll and when mom said no and I asked why, she mumbled "because Barbie's a ****". Little me then proceeded to run around the store yelling " MY MOMMY SAID BARBIE'S A ****!!" XD
Miss_Whipped 43
If your mom were to post an FML she would totally deserve it lol.