Today, my boyfriend put chili powder on our loo roll as a "harmless" prank. He forgot women use loo roll to wipe the sensitive parts of their bodies. I have itchy weeping sores inside my vagina and am considering sticking an ice cube up there to stop the burning. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML
Today, my friends thought it would be funny to rub Tabasco sauce on my household toilet paper. FML
Today, I rested my face against my boyfriend's shoulder while we watched a movie. I didn’t realize he had put Icy Hot on the same shoulder right before I sat down. I cried in pain. He cried with laughter. FML
Dingus
Today, a side effect of my new medicine is uncontrollable itching. To “help”, my boyfriend gave me itching powder. When I got mad, he claimed he thought itching powder was used to combat itching. What? FML
Spicy shit
Today, I ate a bowl of my girlfriend's homemade chili. She went a little heavy on the spices, but I ate it anyway. An hour later, I can now say that if it burns going in, it will explode coming out your rear. FML
Modern warfare
Today, I get the feeling my wife is mad at me. I have no evidence to support this, except she ran me a bath with a bath bomb and a shit load of chilli powder, so like I say, no hard evidence except the excruciating burning in my asshole, peehole, ballsack, nostril and eyes. FML
Today, there was no toilet paper left, so I asked my grandmother if I could use her Kleenex tissues. I found out too late that they were Vicks VapoRub tissues. My crotch has been burning for the last half hour. FML
Today, my girlfriend threw boiling water at me to get me off my phone. It worked, but now I'm burned. FML
Pissed
Today, at work, I wet my pants. I had to throw my tighty-whities away. Since I didn't have underwear on, I chafed real bad and got a rash on my butthole and near my balls. I had to push my boyfriend off of me, all because it hurt too much to touch. FML
Ring of fire
Today, after a particularly nasty shit, I decided to do one extra pass with a diaper wipe. What I didn't realize was that my wife had refilled the normal container with a pack of Clorox wipes by mistake. My asshole has never burned so fiercely in my 30+ years of life as it did in those following moments. FML
Top comments
boopingsnoot 25
1. Go to the ER / A&E and get help. 2. Plain, unsweetened yogurt can help. So can ice, and probably Vagisil. 3. No sex for dumbass boyfriend. No bj, no touchy-feely, until a heartfelt apology.
Lobby_Bee 18
Oh, he knows. Nobody can be that dumb.
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Comments (24)
BeautifulMine 16
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
why are you shoving toilet paper l all up in your vag to begin with?
WowowFML.com 6
most women wipe their vaginas after using the toilet.
Gngr_Grl 26
But not usually up in our vaginas O.o
Charity Taylor 17
as true as that is it probably definitely got inside where it shouldn't since it was after all a powder.
boopingsnoot 25
I can imagine the chili powder would "poof" up off the paper and stick to moisture on contact
skippydoda 32
I assume that by ******, she doesn't mean the vaginal canal. She means the broad sense of the word and the outside of vaginal area.
Ishvah 15
shame no one wants to learn basic anatomy.
Redgy22 26
she said "in"
Dave_Davington 34
If you smooth off the edges and corners, an ice cube might not be such a bad idea.
dlinksv 5
Have you seen what happens when you lick a frozen flagpole? Ice is probably not a good idea...
skippydoda 32
Vaginas are very warm
boopingsnoot 25
1. Go to the ER / A&E and get help. 2. Plain, unsweetened yogurt can help. So can ice, and probably Vagisil. 3. No sex for dumbass boyfriend. No bj, no touchy-feely, until a heartfelt apology.
joshszz_fml 27
Sounds like this isn't your first rodeo with chilli rubbed on sensitive areas, mate.
RichardPencil 32
Maybe we ought to introduce you to Clorox Butt and we can send you to Defensive Wiping class.
bigdaddyeric 37
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
WTF is a loo roll???
raven_of_azarath 35
Toilet paper. Loo = toilet.
onceuponatime456 16
Expand your horizons!
bigdaddyeric 37
Sorry, I live in America and what we call it is TP and as our President says: America First ! So no, I will not call it a loo roll and in 58 years of living and traveling the globe, I never heard it called that.....
raven_of_azarath 35
I too live in America, and with my 22 years was able to figure this out. Loo is common British slang for toilet. So common, that American made crosswords use it all the time.
Rabite 28
Yeah well your America first doesn't apply to everywhere else in this world. Mind-blowing, I know.
DanielleinDC 34
This is an international website. In fact, I believe it originated in France and that the people who run the site are French. People from all over the world post here. Try to be respectful. And even though I've never heard it called that, I figured out pretty quickly what OP meant by "loo roll".
Lobby_Bee 18
Oh, he knows. Nobody can be that dumb.
bigdaddyeric 37
No Bobby Lee I did not know nor do most people on this side of the “Pond” as you say...
ChibiChibi_fml 28
That you did not know does not meant that " most people on this side of the “Pond”" don't know. I was born and raised in America. I have in fact never been out of the country at an age in which memories could be retained and I knew what loo roll was because I've heard it called that on numerous occasions. Plus it should have been easy to figure out since basically everyone on the planet has heard someone from across the pond call a toilet the loo, and therefore logically if Toilet Paper equals product you wipe your personal areas with and dispose of in the toilet, Loo paper would equal the same thing. Your attitude about the whole thing, plus your line about how " as our President says: America First !" suggest you are either a troll, or you are in reality the worst kind of American because you make the rest of us look bad with that "My countries better than your country and it's all about Me, me, me" attitude that our President is so damn proud of. America is a great country and I personally don't want to live anywhere else, but it is not so great and amazing that we have the right to tear other countries because the reality is that there is a lot of stuff that other countries still do better than us and we should work with them to try and reach that same level.
ChibiChibi_fml 28
mean* and Country is* I apparently forgot to space and it assumed I meant more than one country.
bigdaddyeric 37
Nice Speech, Zzzzzzz, Maybe I thought he meant Loofah, huh?
r4m2k 10
Listen, you're an idiot. End of story.
parallelopposite 4
Well..Milk helps cut down the burn if you drink it after eating spicy since it counteracts it cause it is a base and spicy things are acidic...Maybe a milk rinse ? Or plain yogurt?
Ilmoran 20
Actually, milk is slightly acidic, and capsaicin is a base, but it's not an acid-base reaction that provides relief. One of the proteins in milk, casein, binds to capsaicin to help remove it and prevent from binding to the nerve receptors that trigger the burning sensation. Other fatty foods are also good, beacause capsaicin is fat-soluble.
Mungolikecandy 19
Isn't the anus a sensitive part of the body?
joeyl1990 28
not sure why this is thumbed down. If the chili powder had that reaction on the ****** you'd think it would have a similar one on the anus
Mungolikecandy 19
That was my thought. Chilli powder around any such orifice would be an FML.
julfunky 29
Exactly. He didn’t “forget” anything. He knew very well where this toilet paper goes and that any situation it is used is a sensitive and painful one. He still just thought it’d be funny.
Rabite 28
They are totally different parts of the body with different functions and different contact surface. So no, it doesn't have the same reaction on both parts.
Donut_Wizard 23
Better idea: 1. Put tampons in freezer. 2. Wait one hour. 3. Profit.
RichardPencil 32
The format goes: 3. ????? 4. Profit
lucasj23 11
what the hell? he forgot you actually use the toilet paper to wipe with? either he's a complete idiot or he doesn't like you