Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I heard water dripping at the back of our house. I went to investigate, only to find a man peeing on our garden gnome. FML
Today, I bought a garden gnome to spice up my lawn. Tonight, someone threw it right through my living room window. Not only will the repairs cost a ton, my neighbor keeps saying stupid shit to me, like "You must be shattered" and "Looks like you ain't got a window gnome... more." FML
Today, my wife tried to prove that I don’t pay attention to anything related to the house by putting a decorative gnome on the table. When I mentioned it, she pointed out that she’d put over 25 gnomes all over the house for the past couple of weeks. I just noticed them today. FML
Today, I was mowing my lawn when I lost control along our lawn borders and ran over one of my neighbor’s many garden gnomes. It exploded into a pile of ceramic. I soon discovered it was a limited edition collector's item when the neighbor came out just in time to see me turning her prized lawn decoration into shards. FML
Today, I checked over the pictures on my night-cam to see if my cats are really going on our kitchen counters. As soon as I'd seen the first picture, I realized that this whole time that my cats hadn't been going on it. It was a rat. FML
Today, my daughter was charged with multiple counts of vandalism and trespassing. It seems she's been sneaking out in the middle of the night, stealing and breaking our neighbors' lawn ornaments. Specifically garden gnomes. FML
Today, after house sitting for my neighbor, I realized that he has a camera pointed at my pool. FML
Today, I was installing wireless surveillance cameras outside my workplace. Before mounting them, I pointed them around the building to make sure there was a good signal and picture. I got inside to the monitor just in time to see a kid steal one of the cameras. FML
Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML
Today, my neighbor, who has 4 video cameras pointed at the front of my house, got a drone that’s now hovering over my backyard. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
It has begun. Hide yo wife, hide yo kids; no-body is safe.
cupcakechick 17
call the cops
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Comments (166)
Alicestraza 33
That person deserves a medal for creativity.
liblob 6
sounds like it could be a family member.
goose12321 11
Maybe OP sleep walks?
KK3137 31
OP's username says he lives alone, so it's quite unlikely to be a family member, as they would probably have been caught on tape..
fatalwish 6
thats pretty epic trolling but it begs the question did you like kick puppies in a previous life?
kurodansei 16
Dude, it's obvious what's happening here. The Gnomes are alive and I suggest you get them before they get you!!!! Or..... It's somebody you know ******* with you. Either way you mind find the culprit closer than you think.
PhotoSmith 25
This almost sounds like the episode of Doctor Who with the weeping angels.
Kefka91 15
Weeping Gnomes. Terrifying lol
Chi11axBro 11
Sounds like a nice gnome-berhood!
kenni07 3
Can u not
SuperDanielNL 23
Get a big German Shepherd, a nice 12 gauge and a rocking chair for your porch and play the waiting game.
lonewolf621 17
Then when you catch the person thats doing this you can say: GOT ME A MARLYN
misspulkadot24 17
Who knows, maybe you are sleepwalking in the middle of the night, going to Walmart and buying gnomes. I've seen weirder shit go down at Walmart.
crazytwinsmom 25
Or OP is stealing them from the neighbors while sleep walking.
etoilenuit 15
Oh don't worry op nobody is stalking you, your just crazy!....
Brock_Dudeson 11
Haha this is my favorite fml
BrookRae 19
There is a button for that.
olpally 33
He sounds like a hoarder of gnomes. Set them on fire every time you see one. He should get the message to stay the **** away from you. Just go a crazy level up on him.
kozzard 17
sounds like you just went full crazy. never go full crazy.
olpally 33
That saying doesn't really work here^
nightbirdblue 27
That seems too sane actually. To really up the crazy, OP should grab mustard and ketchup and go around the neighborhood at night. Then OP needs to make a message in symbols on everyone's windows including his own. After doing that, OP can find a horse, ride it backwards in circle around their yard, and chant their favorite song in reverse. If that does not stop the crazy gnome person, then perhaps some even more extreme measures are needed.
D3ATHZ3RO 15
CALL THE POLICE! Shit just got real