Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I heard water dripping at the back of our house. I went to investigate, only to find a man peeing on our garden gnome. FML
Today, I bought a garden gnome to spice up my lawn. Tonight, someone threw it right through my living room window. Not only will the repairs cost a ton, my neighbor keeps saying stupid shit to me, like "You must be shattered" and "Looks like you ain't got a window gnome... more." FML
Today, my wife tried to prove that I don’t pay attention to anything related to the house by putting a decorative gnome on the table. When I mentioned it, she pointed out that she’d put over 25 gnomes all over the house for the past couple of weeks. I just noticed them today. FML
Today, I was mowing my lawn when I lost control along our lawn borders and ran over one of my neighbor’s many garden gnomes. It exploded into a pile of ceramic. I soon discovered it was a limited edition collector's item when the neighbor came out just in time to see me turning her prized lawn decoration into shards. FML
Today, I checked over the pictures on my night-cam to see if my cats are really going on our kitchen counters. As soon as I'd seen the first picture, I realized that this whole time that my cats hadn't been going on it. It was a rat. FML
Today, my daughter was charged with multiple counts of vandalism and trespassing. It seems she's been sneaking out in the middle of the night, stealing and breaking our neighbors' lawn ornaments. Specifically garden gnomes. FML
Today, after house sitting for my neighbor, I realized that he has a camera pointed at my pool. FML
Today, I was installing wireless surveillance cameras outside my workplace. Before mounting them, I pointed them around the building to make sure there was a good signal and picture. I got inside to the monitor just in time to see a kid steal one of the cameras. FML
Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML
Today, my neighbor, who has 4 video cameras pointed at the front of my house, got a drone that’s now hovering over my backyard. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
It has begun. Hide yo wife, hide yo kids; no-body is safe.
cupcakechick 17
call the cops
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Comments (166)
jgtrflynn 9
I would make gnome art on my lawn and stake a sign saying "Thanks for the gn-emories!"
wvcheesehead1 9
Sounds like a Travelocity commercial gone bad.
SirEbro 7
I have gnome idea what's going on.
notanimmigrant 16
You came to the wrong neighborhood, gnometherfukkar!!!
mzdaisylynn 12
Someone that lives with you or someone with a key to your home?
radianceepica 9
Maybe you are sleep walking and doing it yourself, and you clear the video's to hid it from yourself. There are real life horror stories about people doing weird and crazy things while sleep walking.
RisaxBoo321 12
Gnomes are real. Like ghost and big foot.
EnterSandman_fml 20
Might I suggest moving? There's a nice town in Alaska called Nome. Just paint a G on all the signs at the town border and bring your buddies.
JuantonxSoup 4
Maybe you do in while sleepwalking
tintaroja 14
OP, maybe you are sleepwalking...