Today, my daughter was charged with multiple counts of vandalism and trespassing. It seems she's been sneaking out in the middle of the night, stealing and breaking our neighbors' lawn ornaments. Specifically garden gnomes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I bought a garden gnome to spice up my lawn. Tonight, someone threw it right through my living room window. Not only will the repairs cost a ton, my neighbor keeps saying stupid shit to me, like "You must be shattered" and "Looks like you ain't got a window gnome... more." FML
Today, I was woken up by my wife calling the police because our garden had been ransacked during the night. A whole row of houses has had their plants uprooted, greenhouses broken into and garden tools stolen. The cops haven't found any leads and I feel terrible for my wife, who poured her heart and soul into that garden. FML
Today, an old guy phoned the cops on my daughter because she was drawing with chalk on the sidewalk. Apparently, he thinks it's vandalism. FML
Today, my daughter's idea of a prank was taking all of our money and getting herself arrested. FML
Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML
Today, my daughter had to deal with a Karen at her job, lost her temper, and punched her unconscious just to shut her up. Sounds like a good thing, right? Wrong, she pressed charges, got my daughter arrested, and she’s now facing years in prison for grievous bodily harm. FML
Today, I was mowing my lawn when I lost control along our lawn borders and ran over one of my neighbor’s many garden gnomes. It exploded into a pile of ceramic. I soon discovered it was a limited edition collector's item when the neighbor came out just in time to see me turning her prized lawn decoration into shards. FML
Today, I was woken up by the police pounding on my door, saying I was under arrest for stealing road signs. My friends went drinking last night and thought it would be funny to steal seven stop signs, four bus stop signs, and two children crossing signs, then plant them on my front lawn. FML
Today, a woman accused my husband of being a pedophile because he was at the playground with our daughter alone. To make matters worse, our daughter punched the woman in the face, so now she's pressing charges. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML
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Top comments
thegypsy 0
not the gnomes!!!
ThorneCrossed 9
I met a girl who actually had a sexual fetish for garden gnomes. I wouldn't mind being a gnome, she was cute. Jesus that sounded weird
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Comments (201)
squanmonster 8
sucks
rallets 23
those damn gnomes will conquer us all !!!
thegypsy 0
not the gnomes!!!
Fmyspam 0
She's saving your lives. Lawn gnomes are notoriously evil.
rallets 23
ahh for ***** sake.... those damn gnomes will conquer us all !!!!
MrSassypants 34
2 yes the gnomes. Everytime I go to pee on my neighbors lawn they just keep staring at me. The worst part is my neighbors have cameras in the gnome's eyes. O_o
EvilPotato 15
*Gasp* nooooooooooo, not the gnomes, anything but the gnomes!
imacreeper 3
is there a Mexican on your block? *george Lopez reference* :D
7mood75 7
I want to have whatever your daughter is having.
canttouchthis90 0
garden gnomes are scary! I dont blame her.
MrSassypants 34
46 multiple counts of vandalizing and trasspassing?
ripgeorgecarl1n 7
The mental image I get from reading this post is priceless.
redmnky21 8
someone save winkle bottom!!!
iTaylor 0
Can you really get mad at her for that?
kendallhi 9
is she on crack?
swittig 0
this reminds me of Malcolm in the middle when Dewey is scared of all the garden gnomes
notsocrazee 0
it's perfectly fine op, those gnomes are just scams when it comes to bid free cheap hotels.
whitesox365 0
garden gnomes arent evil. they just contain this evil power inside them that causes people to go crazy and kill their families.
craaazymonkey 0
project maaaaAYHEM!!!
CasualZombie 6
reminds me of the scene from fun with dick and jane when jim carrey is running around stealing peoples grass; but in this case he'd be smashin gnomes.
djmacncheeze 6
Gnomeo and Juliet much?
djmacncheeze 6
crap AcidRaen beat me... and has 37 thumbs down. K nevermind my first comment :p
Akai_fml 4
She's just trying to go for the achievement!
astriofou 0
Destroy Us All!
hobohateta 10
I agree with this person.
AcidRaen 4
this reminds me of Gnomeo and Juliet haha that movie sucks
moosemonkey1000 6
That movie is AMAZING
AcidRaen 4
really? did you see a different version?
AcidRaen 4
haters gona hate!
eog314 0
it's a movie for little kids.....
AcidRaen 4
I know but I didn't like it. I like cars and finding nemo and open season and other movies like that. I just didn't like that one. am i not allowed to have an opinion on a movie..?
MrSassypants 34
50 well you're hating on a movie so I guess haters are gonna hate.
AcidRaen 4
yeah. whatevskeez
kluck 0
dub dub
Emster689 0
50 damn right! :)
BaconDave 12
How does that remind you of Gnomeo & Juliet?
ariannaa_fml 17
maybe she wanted to see if the gnomes changed when no one was looking?
eminarnar 0
you're not very bright, are you?
AcidRaen 4
125 who exactly are you talking to?
Sniper_Fidelis 1
Pretty eyes ^
AcidRaen 4
ummm thanks
coolp3rson 0
you fail haha!
ladidaday 0
hahaha, what does she have against gnomes??
volley4eva1698 0
well probably nothing, considering she's been stealing them
Cryingraven 1
she was breaking'em not stealing'em brosky.
MrSassypants 34
It says breaking and stealing. *smash* OP's daughter-"I'm totally gonna take these pieces and keep them."
Cryingraven 1
totally skipped that part (O_) ehh whatever. i'da helped her do both. :)
CasualZombie 6
they sound like Jason Statham, that's what.
jennasaurus91 0
gnomes are creepy
Sassybq1 13
lol wtf? why? are they all reds? GO BLUE!
Fmyspam 0
Racist gnomes. Btw, your description is a lie.
kendallhi 9
haha it is...
ban_anaa 0
Garden gnomes are lame. Go daughter!
aardvarkish 17
Just "Lame"? I'm thinking "Evil"!
xleanne_aLly 23
wooo.. stop letting her watch little bear.
shaneac 0
The daughter belongs on MLIA...
Nico_Belic 0
Someone needs to find out what the hell is wrong with their daughter. Just saying.
CrypticHatchet 0
she's been playing too much Fable 3.
BraBrando 0
Those goddamn talking gnomes!
blastedcamera 0
I wonder if she's an insomniac/ sleep walks o.o or maybe she' was high
Cryingraven 1
Your daughter's excuse is probably that the garden gnomes have been stalking her again. @.@"
ThorneCrossed 9
I met a girl who actually had a sexual fetish for garden gnomes. I wouldn't mind being a gnome, she was cute. Jesus that sounded weird
AcidRaen 4
DEEEEUUUUUCE!!!
ThorneCrossed 9
deuce is legit
AcidRaen 4
I love HU! i saw them live with A7X! and they are coming back to my city in august! (: and i'm addicted to them right now haha (:
Cryingraven 1
This may sound dumb, but what does this post have to do with HU? haa
AcidRaen 4
nothing but i like his picture of Deuce and i'm obsessed with HU at the moment so i thought i would be random and say that
MrSexyPants 14
I'm so confused
MurphyS94 4
It isn't really all that "random" though...you were responding to a profile picture, which is something people do quite often on this site.
AcidRaen 4
124 i was being random