Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I heard water dripping at the back of our house. I went to investigate, only to find a man peeing on our garden gnome. FML
Today, I bought a garden gnome to spice up my lawn. Tonight, someone threw it right through my living room window. Not only will the repairs cost a ton, my neighbor keeps saying stupid shit to me, like "You must be shattered" and "Looks like you ain't got a window gnome... more." FML
Today, my wife tried to prove that I don’t pay attention to anything related to the house by putting a decorative gnome on the table. When I mentioned it, she pointed out that she’d put over 25 gnomes all over the house for the past couple of weeks. I just noticed them today. FML
Today, I was mowing my lawn when I lost control along our lawn borders and ran over one of my neighbor’s many garden gnomes. It exploded into a pile of ceramic. I soon discovered it was a limited edition collector's item when the neighbor came out just in time to see me turning her prized lawn decoration into shards. FML
Today, I checked over the pictures on my night-cam to see if my cats are really going on our kitchen counters. As soon as I'd seen the first picture, I realized that this whole time that my cats hadn't been going on it. It was a rat. FML
Today, my daughter was charged with multiple counts of vandalism and trespassing. It seems she's been sneaking out in the middle of the night, stealing and breaking our neighbors' lawn ornaments. Specifically garden gnomes. FML
Today, after house sitting for my neighbor, I realized that he has a camera pointed at my pool. FML
Today, I was installing wireless surveillance cameras outside my workplace. Before mounting them, I pointed them around the building to make sure there was a good signal and picture. I got inside to the monitor just in time to see a kid steal one of the cameras. FML
Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML
Today, my neighbor, who has 4 video cameras pointed at the front of my house, got a drone that’s now hovering over my backyard. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
It has begun. Hide yo wife, hide yo kids; no-body is safe.
cupcakechick 17
call the cops
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Comments (166)
slimkelsey 17
Well at least your ghost has a sense of humor! Gnome-thing scary about that!
Colorguardlife_t 14
Time to move!
EvieM97 8
When did people start calling other people asshats?
DorkAlert 10
Umm do you live with someone? If so, its probably them
BrookRae 19
You must not have read their username.
RyoKioKio 21
It has begun... The Sims 3 is starting to bleed into reality.
Xotoolyxo 16
I find it hilarious that you're freaking out. Let it go on, and eventually that person will get bored with you not reacting and go away.
wvcheesehead1 9
Call the Winchesters.
eightpack007 7
Change your locks smart guy. Duh
dyehardxen 19
Slenderman is putting gnomes in your house. If you start coughing, or feeling faint. Run.
ohhhsnapple 14
Why hasn't anyone suggested that OP might be sleepwalking?? But really, that would creep me out too.