Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I heard water dripping at the back of our house. I went to investigate, only to find a man peeing on our garden gnome. FML
Today, I bought a garden gnome to spice up my lawn. Tonight, someone threw it right through my living room window. Not only will the repairs cost a ton, my neighbor keeps saying stupid shit to me, like "You must be shattered" and "Looks like you ain't got a window gnome... more." FML
Today, my wife tried to prove that I don’t pay attention to anything related to the house by putting a decorative gnome on the table. When I mentioned it, she pointed out that she’d put over 25 gnomes all over the house for the past couple of weeks. I just noticed them today. FML
Today, I was mowing my lawn when I lost control along our lawn borders and ran over one of my neighbor’s many garden gnomes. It exploded into a pile of ceramic. I soon discovered it was a limited edition collector's item when the neighbor came out just in time to see me turning her prized lawn decoration into shards. FML
Today, I checked over the pictures on my night-cam to see if my cats are really going on our kitchen counters. As soon as I'd seen the first picture, I realized that this whole time that my cats hadn't been going on it. It was a rat. FML
Today, my daughter was charged with multiple counts of vandalism and trespassing. It seems she's been sneaking out in the middle of the night, stealing and breaking our neighbors' lawn ornaments. Specifically garden gnomes. FML
Today, after house sitting for my neighbor, I realized that he has a camera pointed at my pool. FML
Today, I was installing wireless surveillance cameras outside my workplace. Before mounting them, I pointed them around the building to make sure there was a good signal and picture. I got inside to the monitor just in time to see a kid steal one of the cameras. FML
Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML
Today, my neighbor, who has 4 video cameras pointed at the front of my house, got a drone that’s now hovering over my backyard. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
It has begun. Hide yo wife, hide yo kids; no-body is safe.
cupcakechick 17
call the cops
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Comments (166)
cupcakechick 17
call the cops
friedpwnadge 25
It seems like you may have a small problem, be short in your response or else you may get to gnome the person better than you want to.
lonewolf621 17
When you see TuPac...
xBethanyC 15
Make sure you have a baseball bat ready.. Though there isn't a gnome cause yet, it's better to be safe than to come up short.
Rei_Ayanami 18
Why? I would love to get some free gnomes.
etoilenuit 15
Where did you keep the tapes? If someone could get in to your house they also could erase them..
Codezlol 21
It's a gnomageddon!!
green2go 14
Who all has keys to your house
izzie321 27
This is gold.
SwaggCapone 11
So the logical thing to do is get on the internet and tell us about it?
ksks1234 33
That would be a great conversation. Op: "I would like to report a crime." Cops: "go ahead" Op: someone keeps leaving gnomes on my property." Cops:....... Op: they also broke in and left gnomes in my house." Cops:"so you have gnome idea who is doing this?" *snicker, snicker* Op:...
greenfishbait 19
Have to agree with 71. Lawn ornaments can get pricey. Appreciate the gifts.
shallow_kat 3
cops wont do anything.. they need possible suspects.. what op should do is get alarm system that way for sure no one can get in and put cameras inside the house placed by the windows.that way no one can mess with them.
interesting33 37
It is more that they GOT INTO YOUR HOUSE! Whatever the reason - that isn't good. Though it seems likely it is a friend or family member who has regular access is doing it as a prank.
Pleonasm 36
It has begun. Hide yo wife, hide yo kids; no-body is safe.
jc10x 8
Hey, the culprit sure does gnome what he's doing.
Pleonasm 36
Of course. So naturally, there's gnome shortage of intrigue in this case; with what little we have as clues meaning that we are pretty much delving into the ungnome. We could always go for microanalyses, but there's gnome telling what our yields would be. Worst case scenario, things don't measure up, and we end up short-changed.
Wizardo 34
"Gnomeo, oh Gnomeo! Where art thou?", "Right here honey"... Appears in your bed next to you, placed on a pillow looking at you menacingly.
Pleonasm 36
If Gnome be rough with you, be rough with Gnome. Prick Gnome for pricking and you beat Gnome down.
Wizardo 34
One day the world will look up to me and say "help me" and I will look down and whisper back "Gnomore".
JACKxRAWR 22
What if the culprit is a gnome criminal?
MisterEx 28
I believe I'll gnominate this FML for creepiness award
MisterEx 28
Because gnomatter what, it can be a serious issue
gotaplanstan 28
Gnomebody knows the trouble I've seen, Gnomebody knows but Jesus
Shadowvoid 33
Personally, i have gnome idea what pleonasm is talking about. They are gnomes, not rapists. But if you gno-me better, you probably would hide from me instead.
utohspaghettios 10
well you know what they say it takes one to gnome one
ComaWhiteLove 18
This really is such an epic way to mind-**** somebody. It sucks to be on the receiving end of it of course. You do have to give them the mad fat dumbass bomb shit props though. A+ for creativity (and dedication)
Neyuu 18
Guys, your gnome jokes are boring and frankly, they make me lawn. Try decorating your sentences with mow imagery.
ChurchLady 3
Close encounters of the gnome kind.
agsilver 14
What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, Gnomeore!
GeorgiaBea 28
This is AMAZING
bluezombie246 2
Sell them on eBay!
IscoreOnU 19
Watch out for anyone coming after you with a flamethrower
LyraAlluse 25
That is actually what I would do. You read my mind. lol
Jasper1405 16
A gnome ghost? Whoever has been trolling you is doing it very well.
Pleonasm 36
The perpetrator has not yet been identified; they are presumed small and still at large.
LordoftheOcelots 10
Either magic gnomes A ghost Or the op has a split persona that's messing with the house while the other side sleeps
Rawr6591 21
I like the split persona
ohSNAPyall 27
I like the gnome troll.
sweetbabysweet93 10
Attack of the gnomes!
UrReadingMyName 4
ParaGnomal Activity
Wittledinosaure 7
Hey, free gnomes.
hi_there4397 18
Sounds like there's some paragnomal activity going on..
TKDuchiha 2
Lmao!!
Wizardo 34
This guy sounds like a ******* legend, The Legend of Gnorro...
tygerarmy 35
Never gnome alone!
MGITSWFTC 17
Well, this is a great oppurtunity to make money by selling free gnomes on eBay
alligator729 15
"Selling" FREE gnomes?
JustKittyKat 24
Selling the gnomes that were free to him