Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I wanted revenge on my neighbor, whose dog craps in my yard, so I spent a day at the dog park gathering up dog shit. I piled it up by the property line and ran over it with the mower, intending to spray his driveway and car with turds. Instead, it gummed up the mower. Now it stinks too bad to fix. FML
Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML
Today, I reported my neighbor to the leasing office for never picking up her dog’s turds. They told me they couldn't do anything without proof, so I snapped a picture and sent it in. Ever since then, I’ve been getting dog turds thrown on my porch. Coincidence? I think not. FML
Today, my husband announced that he was fed up with us being known as the neighborhood slobs, and prepared to take down all the Christmas decorations still up from last year. He then decided it was too much effort, and that he'd leave them up to give us a three month head-start. FML
Today, the snow in my backyard melted, revealing just how much dog shit accumulated underneath it this winter. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, I finally discovered the reason my front room smelt funny. My dog, thinking the Christmas tree was real, has been peeing on it for the past two weeks. FML
Today, I punished my new dog for taking a shit inside by putting him in the kennel. He punished me by breaking out of the kennel and destroying everything in my house. Including Christmas presents. FML
Today, my drunk neighbor couldn’t get into his apartment and thought it would be a good idea to poop in our yard. He left a pile of diarrhea under our window, and poop-stained napkins all over the lawn. FML
Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML
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Top comments
iomnomnomux3 0
you go glen coco.
misfitmonroe 4
That is hilarious
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Comments (161)
misfitmonroe 4
That is hilarious
corporatescoundr 25
I second revenge but YDI for the use of curmudgeonly... Sorry, the fates have spoken
ProjeKtSC2 8
I dislike the execution of that comment #36...
angry_anonymous 5
Agreed. And OP I think YDI if you actually put fake reindeers on your front lawn. that's just asking for those things to happen.
graham11 14
36- ******** reindeers?! I'm sorry you were so deprived of the Christmas spirit as a child!
natskie 7
I think this is absolutely hilarious!! If I had reindeer on my lawn and this happened to me, I would just think my neighbor has a great sense of humor, then laugh it off!
flirtyfaery 7
That's awesome! I reckon he'd be fun to live next to.
BrownEyes97 1
Why wouldn't you just do that to begin with? OP's neighbor shouldn't have to decorate her yard the right way for her!
iomnomnomux3 0
you go glen coco.
Son_of_a_biscuit 4
Bah humbug!
Aquawave7 7
BAH HUMBUG :D
mack_the_knife 3
Well, keeping livestock on your front lawn has its downsides.
MsSoulReaper 27
Some one is going on the naughty list.
Gayrome 4
He's checkin' his list marking it twice gonna find out who's naughtyy or nice! Santa Clause is cumin' to down...;D
builditbetter09 3
Punch him out... Call Me dr.phill cause I'm handin out the best advice mofukaaa I'm not rich though.. :(
clcbjj31 0
The Ph.d. Perhaps?
t765234 10
Either that or the intelligence.
graham11 14
9- personally, I feel as if there are better therapists than dr. Phil out there. But either way, I find your comment really dumb..
docscientist 10
Dr. Phil's best advice is when he recommends someone else. He's an entertainer first and a jackass in equal part.
builditbetter09 3
So intelligence is determined by how funny a comment is? Cause you ***** don't know shit about me.
walkern1891 0
I don't think doctor Phil is a real doctor.
MelTheGreat 23
Love the colorful vocabulary.
nofearjenshere 12
Curmudgeonly, I hope that I'm not the only one on here who doesnt know what this means.
Sirin_fml 47
That's quite unconscionably supercilious of you, Alan.
blink182AAR 6
Fuckball. Ahahaha, best word on this site.
graham11 14
I love it when sirin and alan comment because it makes me feel like I'm part of a really important thread!! *claps excitedly*
bizarre_ftw 22
I love it when anyone, even better that it's a tag team FML team comment, comments on a guy who can't look up a little known word before opening his mouth (typing in a stupid manner) with another less than commonly known word (not as good a curmudgeonly, but what is really?)
finished 10
11 i bet YOU'RE his neighbour :D
yarani 26
Very dedicated isn't he?