Today, I was helping my father-in-law out at a family barbecue. Somehow, the topic turned to grand-children, at which point I confessed that my wife has been having trouble conceiving. His response was to boom: "Sure you've been putting it in the right hole, son?!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML
Today, my husband told my mother-in-law that we're trying to have a baby. She decided to call me and explain in extreme detail what positions to try, and when. FML
Today, while at a family reunion, I jokingly asked my 18-year-old son, "When are you and your girlfriend going to give me a grandson?" He then retorted, "When are you going to die?" I was unable to answer at all. FML
Today, after the topic of grandkids came up yet again, my fiancé confessed that we've been having trouble conceiving. Later, I overheard his mum telling him to take my engagement ring back to the store and get a refund, because apparently I'm not worth marrying if I can't give him kids. FML
Today, I learned that my mother-in-law gives better head than my wife. How? It wasn't from my experience, but thanks to a casual conversation with my father. FML
Today, my son asked me where babies come from. I told him, "From god." He came back with, "Daddy said it was from fucking." FML
Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML
Today, someone asked my wife if I was her father. FML
Today, my father-in-law confessed during dinner that he watched me and my wife have sex that morning through the window. He even more awkwardly brought it back up later that evening to say I seemed very good at it, and tried asking for details about me and my wife’s sex life. FML
Today, my daughter-in-law taught my 4-year-old grandson to burst into tears and yell, "Am I not good enough for you?" whenever I ask her if she's going to have any more children. FML
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Top comments
AlittleSanity 11
The left one, right?
tacojauns 45
Hey man any hole is a goal
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Comments (117)
Ashamed_Sister 60
He only tried to make a joke, but he could have said something worse.
seaman83 8
no one cares
seaman83 8
OK. stand up for yourself and tell him to " shove it up his right hole." no need to take that kind of abuse.
LaLince 40
Why are you assuming that only your wife has been having trouble conceiving? Never thought about that you could be part of the problem?
Angelastic_fml 18
Agreed; what OP meant was 'we have been having trouble conceiving'.
blink_kid 32
Exactly! If you've been having trouble, both go and get tested and fin out which one of you has issues. Don't just assume it's your wife.
kishorekumar_a 10
Awkward *sound of the flames of the barbeque in background* *crickets chirping*
FlyingMonkey228 5
Apparently a real life case too... Couple were so devoutly religious/conservative that no one REALLY explained biology to them so neither realised they were putting it in the wrong place till they went to the doctors...
Raesin 21
People don't need to be told how to have sex. It's an instinct that comes naturally, we never would've got out of the caveman era otherwise, or even into it tbh.
Bakarra 22
I figured 7s comment would get moderated for sounding like "not an fml" but who knows?
amifaiyaz 12
well, are you?
bowtiesarentcool 3
How is that an fml? It's a joke, and a funny one at that. Everyone's so sensitive now that you can't even sneeze wrong near them without them crying online about it.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Comment and profile photo match PERFECTLY.