Today, my husband told my mother-in-law that we're trying to have a baby. She decided to call me and explain in extreme detail what positions to try, and when. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after my husband told me he doesn't enjoy having sex unless he initiates it, my mother-in-law barged into my bedroom only to find me pleasing myself. FML
Today, my husband and I were going to have sex for the first time since having our baby, who was taking a nap. As soon as we lay down in bed, his mother rang saying she was five minutes away. FML
Today, I was told by my wife that we were going to be parents. We are both females. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, I called my mother to tell her that I got engaged. In the 15 minute conversation that followed, 13 were spent listening to how this is going to affect her. FML
Today, I brought a boy over to my house to help with a history project. My mom suddenly swooped in and bombarded him with questions about his and my sex life, and how she wants to have exactly four grandchildren. FML
Today, I found out my husband has been telling everyone he doesn't want a baby. He has been telling me he does. We have been trying for months. I'm now pregnant and confused. FML
Today, my wife and I are supposed to be trying for another baby. We've tried once in the last 7 weeks. FML
Today, I was helping my father-in-law out at a family barbecue. Somehow, the topic turned to grand-children, at which point I confessed that my wife has been having trouble conceiving. His response was to boom: "Sure you've been putting it in the right hole, son?!" FML
Today, I found out that yet again I'm having twins. Sounds great and all, but the only problem is that my mother-in-law is the one pregnant. Oh boy, I'm fucked! FML
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Top comments
Sunkistlover718 21
As least she's supportive of you two.
Pleonasm 36
I guess that puts you in an awkward position.
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Comments (99)
wisecatlady123 11
You poor soul
bombshellbabee01 9
She was just trying to help
SlenderMann 10
Lets hope your mother in law didn't demonstrate them...
TheZee 12
Your poor comment
Steve95401 49
I also hope she didn't talk about how her son's testicles didn't drop down until he was 4.
Sunkistlover718 21
As least she's supportive of you two.
RAUHWeltBegriff 9
is her mother-in-law's name Rozalin Focker?
DracoSpirita 21
Or Evelyn Harper?
rocker_chick105 31
Your mother-in-law is awesome
goldfish78 11
Agree. Listen from the expert .
Qandol 26
Yes, should listen to the Mother in law, because she made your husband and you love him and married him, now imagine your kids.
hannaaaahr 33
honestly, I would be a bit weirded out, and not thinking: 'wow, my step-mom rocks!' but hey, that's me!
Church_Vii 4
She knows what she's talking about - she had a lot of trial and error with your father-in-law to make your husband.
PeteyPablo12308 20
How do you know?
Church_Vii 4
Because, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much...
DontThumbMeDown 8
...Or are very intoxicated...
Pleonasm 36
I guess that puts you in an awkward position.
perdix 31
Ironically, the positions for optimal procreation are awkward. You can't get pregnant doing reverse cowgirl. At least men can't ;)
Pleonasm 36
What position DO you need to do for optimal procreation? That's what I'm wondering. And what's this about men not able to get pregnant from reverse cowgirl? I wasn't aware that any position lended itself to getting a man pregnant. Or is there some sort of auto-fecundation process aptly named "the fountain"?
Awsumuzzie 12
19, I think missionary with a pillow propped under the lower back is one of the best for procreation.
grafeety 9
Point your woman due north, eat lots of pickled herrings and I'm not sure I'd do this one but dipping your junk in ice... This also ensures that the kid will be a male.
ICastillo 25
No, you know what an awkward position is the Pilipino bulldozer. Doesn't get more awkward than that.
BlueFlatts 20
Yes, and lemons produce girls, so pucker up.
lilhellian 27
Well this is an awkward, funny, and helpful thread.. Might check out some of these..
perdix 31
#22, you are partly right. That position works if the woman lays there with her legs in the air for about a half an hour after he comes. By that time, he's ready for another beer, so get up and get it for him ;)
TacoBelle 8
So, what is the best position for men to become pregnant?
Axipiter 24
73 - During the second full moon of the month, upside down against a wall with one foot touching your head and the other pointed skyward. I've heard differing rumours about making a fist with your non dominant hand, but that's unconfirmed.
BulldogHoops 14
As much as I want a son, I'm not sure I want to dip my junk in ice... And I sure as hell won't let it anywhere near lemon juice! Decisions, decisions.
sens3sfailing 25
I try to not think about what gender children I have. for one, if I have a boy, I have to make sure he knows to wrap it before he taps it and doesnt rape anyone. with a girl...I worry I may be on of those " hi nice to meet you, if you hurt my baby girl I am going to cut of your belly skin and suffocate you with it" fathers...having a boy seems easier...
ifuckmonsters 5
87- Girls can rape people, too.
EnvyMe33 26
You can’t rape the willing. Besides how is a girl going to have sex with a guy whose dick isn’t hard?!?
TipOfTheHat 10
Out of all her suggestions, which one is your favorite?
theslimshadylp 6
Sounds like she knows a thing or two. You should take her advice.
jgriff79 23
Mother knows best!
austint123 4
Dafqg
Chris455 8
*Dufaq.
Pleonasm 36
Double post due to lag, sorry, please remove this.
twye 22
She really wants a grandchild. But I can only imagine how weird that phone call was for you, OP.
rs89 20
Or she doesn't want any, so she took it upon herself to ruin the procreation mood and ultimately repulse the OP!