Today, I was cleaning a house. While dusting a rickety nightstand, a drawer fell open and a light-up dildo fell out and turned on. I couldn't figure out how to turn it off. FML
OptimusVader tells us more.
OptimusVader 23
Well I did mention it was rickety. It rocked while I dusted and it was just poorly made, overall. It tilted forward, the drawer slid out and I couldn't catch it in time. Then BAM! Sudden singing light show from an old woman's rabbit.
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
perdix 31
Instead of you trying to turn it off, why don't you let it try to turn you on?
narlynick 13
Quick! Hide it before they know you tampered with it! Butt, where?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (100)
perdix 31
Instead of you trying to turn it off, why don't you let it try to turn you on?
Devilpuppy0861 7
Cause when life gives you lemons....
RpiesSPIES 27
You make rice balls. And when life gives you rice, you make jelly-filled donuts.
xblair 11
5 - squeeze them at people's eyes
JenkJenks 6
I usually make lemonade, but I guess rice balls and temporarily blinding people are two viable options as well.
lilhellian 27
Unless life also hands you water and sugar your lemonade will suck..
OptimusVader 23
Perhaps I could have. You know, if it wasn't owned and operated by a 70-year-old woman.
AndyAutopsy 11
@OP: Oh god D:
Bakarra 22
So you're saying its okay but you gotta wash it first? Good advice OP!
awilso13 8
I never knew the op could respond! Mind blown! I here by declare all fml to be scavenger hunts. Name: FIND! THAT! O! Peeeee!
ichliebekekse 11
@61: it's a new update.
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
64: not very new at all.
Wimoweh 10
5- You don't take it! You take those lemons and squeeze them in life's eyes! You have the lab boys come up with some combustible lemons, and then you burn life's house down!
Devilpuppy0861 7
No 71, when life gives you lemons... You **** it cause life's a bitch. How has no one heard this?
HeartOfLead 24
#71 you stole that right from my mind; portal rocks! Now more on topic, OP, dildon't be so quick to skip a perfect opportunity.
OptimusVader 23
59, I honestly have no idea how you got that message out of my comment. The fact that it's owned by an old woman makes it not okay to use it under any circumstance. There's not enough boiling water in the world that could make it clean enough for me to even consider using it after her!
whY402Jay 12
That's a horrible idea. Who knows what kind of hygiene the owner has... smell it first!!
kanuut 1
you make vodka and sit back and relax while life tries to figure out how the **** you did that.
xponia 8
Stuff it back into the drawer, hopefully it will run out of batteries before the people come home! Haha FYL
poetrywriter12 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
There's a button for that.
iOceanus 18
Which she couldn't find.
annie_nk 23
If it doesn't, I picture this: "Dear. Do you hear that? It's a faint buzzing sou - OH GOD!!!"
Dracoboxer357 36
Hmm. Since you dont want to play around with it too much I assume (no pun intented), toss it back in the drawer and hope the batteries die. :p Good luck with that! ;P
andyyroxx 20
Or hide it. Deep.
annie_nk 23
Bow chicka bow wow
Dracoboxer357 36
Hide it? :) Would You want to be questioned by someone reguarding their missing ***** if you were Op? Or even silently suspected? ;)
ShyAnn29 15
Or OP could be honest, and say that while she was cleaning, the nightstand fell over and the ***** fell out and turned on, and she couldn't figure out how to turn it off, I doubt she'd get in trouble.
challan 19
When my home was broken into, among the many things missing (TV, computer, xbox) one thing was greatly missed.... BOB. I was extremely disturbed that someone would steal that. Just, why? So, don't hide it, take the advice and let those batteries run out.
waffule365 16
That's gross considering that it wasn't yours.
B5B0N35 18
hide it and hopefully it will run out of batteriesand then put it back where it came from problem solved atleast i think
boarderlyne17 8
What a brilliant yet obvious idea -- I can't believe no one thought of it before you! Oh, wait... Twatwaffle.
tacojauns 45
use it before the batteries go to waste
perdix 31
#9, ideally, slightly below the waist ;)
tsent8 15
Damn Perdix your on a roll!
cieloalicia 16
Yikes!! Rip the batteries out and put them back in, that works sometimes. Then scrub your hands!
narlynick 13
Quick! Hide it before they know you tampered with it! Butt, where?
thisgirl_cassie 1
I see what you ***** there (;
BradTheBrony 19
Dildid. You should have said dildid. But it's already dildead. OH AND I JUST RESURRECTED IT! Or rather, res-ERECTED it.
HeartOfLead 24
Why hide it? She should let it light up her day!
poetrywriter12 6
Give it to the dog (if there is one) then claim it must have found a bone.
HeartOfLead 24
They might accuse OP of giving their dog the bone... wait...
killaach 6
That's nasty. Put it way in the back of the drawer and leave quickly.