Today, I was helping my father-in-law out at a family barbecue. Somehow, the topic turned to grand-children, at which point I confessed that my wife has been having trouble conceiving. His response was to boom: "Sure you've been putting it in the right hole, son?!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML
Today, my husband told my mother-in-law that we're trying to have a baby. She decided to call me and explain in extreme detail what positions to try, and when. FML
Today, while at a family reunion, I jokingly asked my 18-year-old son, "When are you and your girlfriend going to give me a grandson?" He then retorted, "When are you going to die?" I was unable to answer at all. FML
Today, after the topic of grandkids came up yet again, my fiancé confessed that we've been having trouble conceiving. Later, I overheard his mum telling him to take my engagement ring back to the store and get a refund, because apparently I'm not worth marrying if I can't give him kids. FML
Today, I learned that my mother-in-law gives better head than my wife. How? It wasn't from my experience, but thanks to a casual conversation with my father. FML
Today, my son asked me where babies come from. I told him, "From god." He came back with, "Daddy said it was from fucking." FML
Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML
Today, someone asked my wife if I was her father. FML
Today, my father-in-law confessed during dinner that he watched me and my wife have sex that morning through the window. He even more awkwardly brought it back up later that evening to say I seemed very good at it, and tried asking for details about me and my wife’s sex life. FML
Today, my daughter-in-law taught my 4-year-old grandson to burst into tears and yell, "Am I not good enough for you?" whenever I ask her if she's going to have any more children. FML
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Top comments
AlittleSanity 11
The left one, right?
tacojauns 45
Hey man any hole is a goal
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Comments (117)
Missy2612 11
It's a valid question!
JoeGrant 12
Look him straight in the eyes and say, "I am sure." Show him your confidence.
IamBunghole 9
" Yes sir, I've porked your daughter enough to know which hole it is."
Devilpuppy0861 7
Or look him in the eye and say "I do both just to make sure I cover my bases" then drop the mic and walk away like a pimp.
cb1002630 11
Hopefully he was just giving you a hard time.
ihaveasushicat 24
The sense of humour is great, but I'm sure it was embarrassing that he yelled that at the family BBQ...
SomeRandomUser 19
"Believe me, I covered them all."
DarkskyFML 5
You should have replied "I think so, but it does smell awfully bad now that I think about it".
karlcolt45 19
you can never be too careful there
mpsteve137 15
Why the heck would he ask that about his own daughter
Shrike 24
Yeah... because that was the what he was FMLing about...
chanellgymnast 17
Well... This is awkward son.