Today, my roommate thought it was a good idea to set my beard on fire to wake me up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML
Today, my friends thought it'd be funny to hold lighters under the smoke alarms while I was sleeping. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair. FML
Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML
Today, while lighting a cigar, I set my beard on fire. FML
Today, after I told my roommate last week she needed to find a new place to live because I thought she was psychotic, she set my house on fire. FML
Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML
Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML
Today, while playing with a lighter, I jokingly told my boyfriend I would burn his mustache off. He responded by telling me he would burn off mine. FML
Today, I ran into the living room when I heard the smoke alarm going off. Turns out, my friend thought it was a good idea to melt a plastic cup on my floor heater. He also thought the best way to put it out was to urinate on it. My house smells like burnt pee. FML
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Top comments
thawny_fml 21
Goodness gracious great balls of fire! But seriously, get a new roommate.
Twigman8 15
At least you can stay warm in the Canadian winter, now! On a more serious note, hopefully you didn't end up badly burned and I hope he apologized to you!
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Comments (62)
thawny_fml 21
Goodness gracious great balls of fire! But seriously, get a new roommate.
cameowhitten 12
No, no, no. Get even! Add Nair to his shampoo.
FemskyD 26
You must be a heavy sleeper :o
olliebush123 15
Did you wake up?
gamermonster 34
No, OP was asleep while he was burning away. For real, use your brain.
olliebush123 15
sarcasm doesn't come across well in writing does it
rhiley 26
sarcasm was pretty obvious #7 dang calm urself friend
Twigman8 15
At least you can stay warm in the Canadian winter, now! On a more serious note, hopefully you didn't end up badly burned and I hope he apologized to you!
hman1025 17
Of course he apologized, he's Canadian right?
aruden 25
No amount of apologizing would fix one man intentionally setting fire to another man's beard. . even in Canada.
exergency 17
Bad idea.
FemskyD 26
You re lucky he went for your facial hair :')
lexred 30
I hope that you know what to burn when your roommate falls asleep!
SubparAtBest 23
Guess that friendship went up in flames, fyl.
melbournearsenal 18
I think it's time you literally fight fire with fire!
sunsetium 14
You must have lost a majestic beard if it was long enough to be burned. FYL
supr_sexy 9
hey hey hey. stop giving thumbs down to this man.He's right tho, losing beard is like losing a pet. it takes great time n patience to grow beard