Today, my roommate thought it was a good idea to set my beard on fire to wake me up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML
Today, my friends thought it'd be funny to hold lighters under the smoke alarms while I was sleeping. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair. FML
Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML
Today, while lighting a cigar, I set my beard on fire. FML
Today, after I told my roommate last week she needed to find a new place to live because I thought she was psychotic, she set my house on fire. FML
Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML
Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML
Today, while playing with a lighter, I jokingly told my boyfriend I would burn his mustache off. He responded by telling me he would burn off mine. FML
Today, I ran into the living room when I heard the smoke alarm going off. Turns out, my friend thought it was a good idea to melt a plastic cup on my floor heater. He also thought the best way to put it out was to urinate on it. My house smells like burnt pee. FML
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Top comments
thawny_fml 21
Goodness gracious great balls of fire! But seriously, get a new roommate.
Twigman8 15
At least you can stay warm in the Canadian winter, now! On a more serious note, hopefully you didn't end up badly burned and I hope he apologized to you!
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Comments (62)
stitesy29 18
Set his pubes on fire to wake him up
xxxxqazwsxedc1 8
Set his dick hair on fire next time OP.
ircs56 10
that is wrong on all levels!!! they must die for that
lovelybones37 20
You need a new roommate. Hope you're okay!
blink831forever 13
You need to get a bat and break your roommate's bones. That is way ****** up and dangerous to do. Or if you are non violent, press charges for assault.
vikky538 29
At least he didn't fire your balls.
missreader 14
I hope you weren't hurt and I hope your doing okay
HeyHoKeiko 16
If my roommate did that to my beard I would probably go into a blind rage and actually kill them.
Madissoni 14
Wake me up! Wake me up and say! I can't wake up! Wake me up and say! Saaaaaave meee!