Today, I marched in the St. Patrick's day parade. My horn has an inconveniently-placed spit valve that has to be drained frequently. At the end, I discovered every time I emptied it, it would spray all over the front of my pants. I marched an entire parade looking like I pissed my pants. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 3-year-old son decided to pull down his pants and pee outside as our local city's parade had just started marching down the street. FML
Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML
Today, in marching band, the guy in front of me backed up too far. As we turned, the back of his trombone hit mine, smashing it into my lip. I had to finish the song, all while sending blood down my horn. FML
Today, I was at a music festival, watching one of my favorite bands. The security guys were throwing water into the crowd to cool us down. I saw some about to be thrown by another fan, so I stood with my mouth open to catch some of it. I ended up with a face full of hot piss. FML
Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. FML
Today, I was at the park and needed to take a piss really badly. I opened my car door and stood to pee, but good old Mother Nature ran by and the wind blew it all into my car. My entire driver side smells like pee. FML
Today, I was at a music festival when a group of idiots decided to push over a port-a-loo (portable toilet). I rushed over and tried to hold it up to save the person inside from a very messy and embarrasing scene. Not only did the door open, covering me in excrement, but there was no-one inside. FML
Today, I was at a pool party with my friends. I really had to pass gas so I moved a bit from the group and let it rip. Instead of bubbles surfacing a brown cloud of poo rose instead. FML
Today, as I was walking to wash my hands after using the restroom, the guy walking away from the sink flicked water from his hands towards the floor. Water splashed all over my beige shorts. I had to walk back into class looking like I'd peed my pants. FML
Today, I was giving a speech at my best friend’s wedding. Mid-speech, I felt something was off. I looked down and realized I had a huge stain on my trousers. Not just a small stain, but a whole wet patch from crotch to knee. I had to finish the speech with one hand covering it. I later sniffed it, it was only champagne, but still… FML
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Top comments
wildcats909 9
If your city's parade and drinking celebrations were anything like mine - you definitely weren't the only one that pissed your pants
bjhhjh 20
Just blame it on being drunk! St patricks day eh!
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Comments (78)
bjhhjh 20
Just blame it on being drunk! St patricks day eh!
thefastnfuryass 14
Blow loud and proud!
incoherentrmblr 22
Doesn't matter, was St. Patrick's day...
WTF_BRAIN 11
Still you'd think you'd notice if your horn sprays spit all over your pants for an entire parade...
Nilorak 24
He did notice it.
SOGbirds 6
If he was in a marching band, he wouldn't have noticed because the pants are so thick.
flaca273 7
well to be fair marching takes a lot of concentration and playing music while marching takes even more concentration especially if you don't want to sound like crap then you also gotta stay in line with everyone else so you aren't the odd one out long story short I don't think he would have noticed
Articulation 12
You need to learn to control your horns, seriously.
wildcats909 9
If your city's parade and drinking celebrations were anything like mine - you definitely weren't the only one that pissed your pants
ironichalibut 24
Is there any other way to show your festive spirit during such a celebration?
jpsullivan 36
looks like urine trouble
ironichalibut 24
U'rea shoulda come up with a better pun
jpsullivan 36
nah I've accepted who I am
aleahlioness 15
Most everyone was probably too drunk to care. Hope you had fun otherwise op, don't worry about it too much. :)
justagirl1998 10
At least no one laughed at you..
meli1195 31
Just be glad it was spit and not something else. ... Happy st. Patty's day!!
Bano360 25
Why do Americans call it Patty's day? It's Paddy's day.
ironichalibut 24
St. Patrick = St. Patty? Where do the D's come from? Your account says your from Ireland though, so you must know your $#!t
Bano360 25
Because Paddy is a nickname for Patrick over here
Bano360 25
Oh and Paddy was also a term the English used when referring to Irish people. It was used in an offensive manner as far as I know
ironichalibut 24
That still doesn't explain the D's though. There are clearly T's in that word! The same argument can be said that Patty is short for Patrick here, and Patricia too though.. We may have to agree to disagree..
LisaDay 14
i think it is just how it is said. i always see it spelled "Paddy" and pronounced "Patty". a difference in accents, most likely. i never see it spelled "Patty" though.
Bano360 25
Well the Irish name for Patrick is Padraig or Padraigh.
falon142012 22
D's and T's do make a pretty similar sound in words like that. Americans have a thing where pretty much everything is pronounced as it's spelled. That's interesting, #30! So that means it is supposed to be Paddy. Now we know!
meli1195 31
Well in tv they always spell it patty so i spelled it patty.... Sorry if I offended anybody but since I'm Mexican and my parents never taught me i have to go by what I see on tv or books
ironichalibut 24
30- I didn't know that! That's cool, thank you :)
Bano360 25
#42, not offended at all. I'm just curious
HelloooooNurse 20
I don't think you were alone in that look, that day.