Today, my roommate thought it was a good idea to set my beard on fire to wake me up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML
Today, my friends thought it'd be funny to hold lighters under the smoke alarms while I was sleeping. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair. FML
Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML
Today, while lighting a cigar, I set my beard on fire. FML
Today, after I told my roommate last week she needed to find a new place to live because I thought she was psychotic, she set my house on fire. FML
Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML
Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML
Today, while playing with a lighter, I jokingly told my boyfriend I would burn his mustache off. He responded by telling me he would burn off mine. FML
Today, I ran into the living room when I heard the smoke alarm going off. Turns out, my friend thought it was a good idea to melt a plastic cup on my floor heater. He also thought the best way to put it out was to urinate on it. My house smells like burnt pee. FML
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Top comments
thawny_fml 21
Goodness gracious great balls of fire! But seriously, get a new roommate.
Twigman8 15
At least you can stay warm in the Canadian winter, now! On a more serious note, hopefully you didn't end up badly burned and I hope he apologized to you!
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Comments (62)
Nomaddict 14
Burning beards sounds like a Viking metal band. But like everyone else said; get a new roomie.
KaylaTackett 18
You mean your ex roommate?
PhoenixChick 26
Someone who thinks that setting you on fire in your sleep is hilarious might also think dropping knives on you from a staircase is hilarious. Get out quick.
shinikageWolf 15
Set fire to their pubes to wake them up.
corky1992 33
What a dick roommate.
dilliedill 13
if he does it again, burn and/or shave his head hair. if that doesn't work, his pubes are still an option
ETA211 6
...what was he smoking?
callsign_banana 19
Did he use his mixtape?
superbry 5
It's much faster than shaving. get it ..
lukeDAduke157 11
"Sorry"