Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML
assholecat tells us more.
Hey y'all, this is OP. In regards to my post: The elderly lady is a very close family friend of my family who still lives by herself but is being taken care of by her family. She's a lovely lady, really. I'm not worried about her stealing my cat - her dead cat and my cat look very similar. If he's bringing her joy - great! She and kitty can hang as much as they want! To the people who seemed to hint at me not feeding my cat... if you ever saw him, you would know that he is probably the best fed cat in the whole world. He is enormous. I have perfectly good food for him to eat - which I would feed him if he turned up for meal times. I don't feed him whenever he's hungry because he's a big ol' fat cat and I don't want him getting any fatter. (He won't be getting breakfast from me anymore - when I found out that my neighbour was lovingly feeding my kitty for me in place of her own, I went and brought her some cat food.) In regards to the "your cat is an opportunist! That's what cats are!" comments - no argument from me. As far as "don't call your cat an asshole!" comments go... my cat is an asshole: he methodically waits by her door every single morning at the same time that she routinely feeds her own cat, even though he knows (I'm sure he does, simply because the other cat isn't there) that her cat is no longer with us. My cat is both an opportunist and an asshole. And no, I don't believe that my cat can understand me when I call him an asshole. Anywho, that's it. I'm out. Peace!
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Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
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Top comments
dalnice 5
Asshole or evil genius?
DocBastard 40
Man - You should know better. There's NO way to shut the idiots up. You're assuming they will 1) read this, 2) comprehend it, and 3) care.
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Comments (251)
horsesaboveppl 9
But your cat knows what she's wants and gets it! Smart cat
GypsyRover 0
Let her keep the cat. If it's loyalty you want,get a dog.
timjones 8
Dogs are a mans best friend.
ydi_4_suking 20
My asshole cat started to eat at my neighbors house and little by little he stopped coming home. He stopped coming home and the neighbors kept him
KMtheDrummer 6
40 - Cool story bro. Actually, I thought it was interesting. Sorta.
chatoyant_fml 12
Sounds like your cat, is a cat? Dogs have masters and cats have slaves
hopsinlove17 26
Cats are moochers. End of story.
mizuki123 8
That's what happened to my aunts cat.. Poor thing looks awful now.
alliewillie 22
Don't you think it's more likely your neighbor just enjoys his company after losing her own cat?
twinkiefeets 17
I'm prob your neighbor cause that's how I got my cat!
kalbrek009 20
#1 Cats are NOT assholes because #2 They are smart enough to know when you try to be a cheapskate & feed them crappy food, #3 Cats don't know how to "impersonate" anyone or anything, & #4 Cats will eat food from wherever they can find it, it's just their nature & whomever gives them the most/best food becomes their new best friend...unlike dogs-who even eat cat's & their own feces..."just because they can." I've seen plenty of dogs raid a litter box for cat "tootsie rolls" but have NEVER seen a cat eat a pile of dog doo. Point made, case closed.
Ameel_fml 19
'Cats don't know how to "impersonate" anyone or anything' Tell that to my cat, who taught himself to impersonate the sounds of the birds in my garden. Most of them don't fall for it, but the few who do... :(
mizuki123 8
My cat think he's a dog. He'll play fetch and tug of war.
humorizer 14
Yes, because your cat knows exactly why she's feeding him...
tayymeds 23
that's what you get for leaving your cat outside.
dalnice 5
Asshole or evil genius?
kittytub 12
evil genius perfect to ally with in order to take over the world. with my fluffy cuteness and his smart thinking, humans are no match for us! -squeaky laughter-
dalnice 5
For a minute I genuinely hoped you'd set up that profile just for the comment
ClassyCommando 13
Would OP rather have the neighbour realise that her beloved cat is dead and be overcome with sadness all over again? I think OP's cat is doing a great and noble service.
ICastillo 25
Cats are both..more like evil assholes.
kenbarbz72 0
53- What the actual ****?
RoBi1475 0
All evil geniuses are assholes. They are just smart enough to have figured out Evil Genius sound a lot better then Clever Asshole.
sharksfan48 13
I understand why Egyptians worshipped cats now. Sneaky little bastards.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
53) What the **** is this shit!? Don't steal my laugh!
RedPillSucks 33
I, for one, welcome our evil cat overlords... I have a thriving catnip business.
Soloman212 28
In case of animal king takeover...
mduffy08 8
Evil asshole genius!
idancewithllamas 12
Dalnice- i love your profile picture! :)
kittytub 12
puny chipmunk, it's okay. I know you're jealous, but accusing others of stealing your laugh is ridiculous. you can make it up to me by becoming lunch.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
How bout no, you crazy cat bastard?
zaksyak 1
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Beat that pussy!
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Animal/vaginal abuse! Call ASPCA/ an OB-GYN!
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Yeah! Coming home, licking those lips clean... like all ******* do after they eat.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
...this is why we can't have nice things!
Mekeritrig 15
Yes but all cats are assholes.
Posthuman 26
No. A cat is a pussy. A pussy isn't an asshole. Get your holes right.
SkoomaKi 28
Pussy's are *****, so that makes cats assholes.
SkoomaKi 28
Pussy's are *****, so that makes cats an asshole.
gc327072 31
Then what does that make assholes?
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Makes them dicks?
DalPozzo13 10
Then what are dicks?
Werken247 14
Dicks are pricks
wlddog 14
My dick is no prick. Whos dick have you been playing with?
mega20913 8
Smart kitty
ArielTheMermaid 17
Happy kitty
TheMathMajor 26
Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur...
gracehi 33
Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.
TheMathMajor 26
:3
ohjessica 11
^ ^ >( • u • )< Sorry guys okay bye
RedPillSucks 33
Cats. Often mistaken for meatloaf.
rahrah765765 11
Or dim sims.
fuzion50 6
greedy jew cat
TheTallPerson 3
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Selfishness is contagious. (:
william8 2
cats ask for it by name! "Meow!"
twinkiefeets 17
Meow for what?
rein 8
Well they do say cats have 9 lives..
B_CeouL 12
Very irrelevant
honestjane 22
Yep, one for each house they mooch at.
Pretty_reckless_fml 18
B_Ceoul- not really, it was a joke :L the lady's cat is dead, so rein said well cats do have 9 lives :)! and btw :/ what the HELL is your picture D:? Its creepy as f*ck, looks like I won't be sleeping tonight :L
Dr0reos 8
No OP your cat is an evil genius
tuxedoandex 28
Illuminati confirmed
sillyyanks 24
Most cats regularly visit multiple houses....They are solitary, opportunistic animals!