Today, I was woken up by my 5 year-old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her toothbrush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while I was brushing my teeth, my 5 year old-son walked into the bathroom. He gave me a mean look and said, "That's Sammy's toothbrush, not yours." I've been brushing my teeth with the dog's toothbrush for two months now. FML
Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML
Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me if the tooth fairy was real. I said yes, and she said she wanted to try to catch her. Later, she pulled out a tooth and put it under her pillow. I came in to take out the tooth and replace it with money. There were mouse traps behind her pillow. FML
Today, my daughter decided to wake me up by putting the vacuum in my hair and turning it on. FML
Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, my four-year-old daughter thought it'd be funny to cut my hair while I was sleeping. FML
Today, I caught my young daughter eating candy after brushing her teeth. Angry, I asked her if she wanted all her teeth to fall out. She smiled and said, “Yes!” FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
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Top comments
elainelovesyou 7
Just give her a new one.
DocBastard 40
Pick your battles. She will forget about it soon. But the more you push, the more she will push back and the longer she will remember.
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Comments (102)
Miss_Birthday 3
Well ask her where the dog and toothbrush are, see what she says.
awardZu 0
For every time she hit you with the pillow, you take away a toy. Every time she refuses to brush her teeth, spank her butt. Be a parent instead of a pansy.
DarkJoy_fml 5
That's what I was thinking. It sounds to me like this kid is spoiled otherwise she would not be acting like this. You should have some parenting techniques to compel your five your old to do something that you want them to do. Going out to get a new toothbrush isn't the solution because it is only going to make the child realize that they can get away with whatever they want and Mom is going to comply with their demands. I'm all about taking away toys/time-outs. I was never spanked as a child, but I know many people that were and they turned out fine. OP needs to develop a stronger distinction between the parent/child role.
RoxxyHustle 7
hit her with a pillow!!! Don't stop 'til she brushes her damn teeth!!
dansco 25
Why is your life so bad? Millions of people are dying or in debt and you complain about this?! So she woke you up after a bad dream... And? It happens. So she won't brush her teeth... Make her or tell her no tv or pc til she does!
sulhaq 4
looks like you need to stop ******* bitching an be a mom.
That_helped 4
All you gotta do is buy a new brush
something224 6
Sounds like a normal woman to me.
dragon0000 7
hahaha were did she get that idea u had a dog lmao
ChibiGirl5 0
buy her a new toothbrush
RokNRoll11 9
I can say one thing, negative effects of imagination