Today, my mom left for a bachelorette party. She forgot a gift, so she called me and made me go into her closet, pick out a sex toy from the "box of gag gifts", and bring it to her. Should I pick anal beads or a cock ring? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom was helping me clean out stuff from college. She opened a box and took out some anal beads I got as a gag gift. She asked, "What are these?" I answered, "They are for massaging your back". She then insisted I show her. I massaged my mother with anal beads. FML
Today, my mum came over and helped me sort out my spare room. It was great, we found so many things I'd forgotten I had! Including anal beads. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend asked me what he should get his mother for her birthday. FML
Today, at my mom's house, my daughter came running up to me with some sort of love heart hair band, demanding to wear it straight away. After a solid 30 seconds trying to figure out how the band fit around a child's head it started vibrating. It was my mom's sex toy from her bedside drawer. FML
Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML
Today, my mother dragged me into Victoria's Secret to get my opinion on some lingerie. Lingerie she'll be using to get into my dad's pants this evening. FML
Today, for my girlfriend's birthday, I got her an external hard drive and my grandmother's engagement ring. When she opened both boxes, I took her hand and looked deep in her eyes and told her to pick whichever she wanted. She took the external hard drive, even though she already has one. FML
Today, my mother opened her birthday gift in front of my entire family. Two days ago, I ordered an essential oil diffuser and flesh light from Amazon. Guess which one she got? FML
Today, I found out that the candy bracelet my sister gave me a few days ago was actually a candy cock ring she'd used on her boyfriend just a few hours prior. Apparently, she didn't like the taste. I however, did. FML
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Top comments
cuppycakeslove 20
Both!
grahmagog 14
One little bead, two little beads...and this make three, how many beads can she fit inside she, four little beads, five little beads and the last one is six, tonight im sure she'll get her fix, slide them in, big one first, go on beads...do your worst, and when she begins to scream and shout...grab the string and pull em out
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Comments (129)
cuppycakeslove 20
Both!
Pesticides 19
Yay! Because every girl loves a used sex toy !
cuppycakeslove 20
She has a box of gag GIFTS. They're not used.
isallwaysme 27
the mom of OP bought it new. nobody would give a used sex toy... hopefully..
maria05136 16
Lol
HKCgrimmjow 15
Is a gag one of the gifts? Or...
Dewoe 18
Hopefully...
AngrySailor 17
21, seriously? I don't think it would have been a FML in that case. Op- send the chainsaw with the silicone tongues attached to the chain.
YeahYeahYeahOK 6
Absolutely! Let mom make the final choice :D LOL
AngrySailor 17
The quotations marks in the Fml clearly tell us they weren't "gag gifts".
chatokun 10
46, sometimes people post these just to share a funny story, not for sympathy or to say they had a bad time. Some post stuff obviously their fault because they felt their stupidity was funny enough to share... like the time I almost beheaded myself because I didn't listen to my father when he told me to pull my head in the sun roof before he pulled into the low ceiling garage. He heard two thumps and found my sprawled on the floor. My fault? Certainly. Funny story? Yep.
AngrySailor 17
^cool story. I am well aware that fml is for entertainment, however my point to 21 was that the fml reads (to my English skills anyways) that these toys were not "new" or bought an saved to give as "gifts". Trollollo.
xKeroseneHearts 9
Duck hunt!
AngrySailor 17
I suggest feeding cuppycake some bread. Extra stale.
cuppycakeslove 20
Ouch, can't handle being told you're wrong?
AngrySailor 17
I thought I was wrong once, turned out I was right.... But I do support the "duck hunt" it's not flattering ladies.
ise3 10
Its okay because shes pretty
AngrySailor 17
Hey kerosene, don't provoke the ducks, I got one quacking in my inbox now. QUACK! QUACK!
cuppycakeslove 20
I'm laughing so hard right now
coversquirrel 8
AngrySailor- you're being an arrogant ass. especially because you're wrong. the box WAS gag gifts. Just because there are quotations around "box of gag gifts" doesn't mean its implying that its not actually gag gifts. however if it said 'box of "gag" gifts' that would be different. but it doesn't so it isn't and therefore you are wrong. and then because you are wrong you resorted to insults which is very childish and last time i checked, children shouldn't be on this site
Neyuu 18
No. I'm pretty sure they're not gag gifts. If you believe op's mother, you're adorably innocent.
AngrySailor 17
I'm not being ass. I don't think they are "gag gifts", that's all. I can take the heat. I'm no the one sending PM's.... ....or making stupid faces o_O Oh wait...
AngrySailor 17
Damn this new fml mobile format! That was a reply to #95 ^
misataylor86 10
She said to pick one from "the box marked gag gifts" not from her personal stash! .... Men never fully pay attention do they ladies? :)
just1n12 18
Why is this in the Intimacy category then if they are gag gifts?
MidnaLink 35
Oh, that's disturbing. She could've just headed to a toy store last minute.
thatkidhesh 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I think it's pretty neat that your mom is so open with you OP
LeeCards 8
I think it's pretty rude to waste a response space posting an original comment so you are on page one.
thatkidhesh 11
just joined FML and want aware of the rules regarding replies. my apologies to everyone offended. additionally FYL for being a douche and pointing this out to be so rudely.
carebear808 12
I would be scarred for life if my mom asked me to do that.
Since1998 20
well, I dont really think anyone would enjoy the thought of your mom playing with toys. not that its wrong that your mom had sex or enjoys the feeling (I mean, how else would we be here) but its still not a pleasant thought.
venus89 17
Bring one of each. Give the bride to be a choice :)
xx000o 27
The thought of giving & then receiving used anal beads just makes me quiver.
ShyAnn29 15
That would be extremely awkward!
challan 19
I'd say the **** ring, since the anal beads are strictly for his pleasure. It is her party after all! On a serious note OP, live a little. I hope that someday you are as fun as your mom.
BntyHntrSeattle 30
7- not everybody finds pleasure in inanimate-object-******* o_O
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Anal beads can be used on a woman.
Shrike 24
What the hell are you talking about, 27? Women don't have assholes.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Oh, 29. You have so much to learn :D
B1ackthesun 31
Anal beads are strictly for men? You have much to learn grasshopper...
challan 19
Chipmunk, not that women haven't used anal beads, but they are designed to be used on a man during his ******. you pull a bead out one at a time. makes his ****** stop and start in spurts. when the bead presses against his prostate it stops it. gives a man a multiple ****** in essence. Do your research.
Psychicgirl17 18
The More You Know...
B1ackthesun 31
Designed for men, yes. STRICTLY for men as you stated 7, no. Many women enjoy anal stimulation.
challan 19
absolutely! Myself included!
B1ackthesun 31
Your use of 'strictly' threw me off at first challan, now I see we are on the same page!
1217jonathan 15
#50 that's nice lol
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
thats maybe tmi 50.
challan 19
I have never been buried so hard. lol damn! Is taking about anal play so taboo? btw... B1 likes it as well, and nobody thumbed her down or told her she shared tmi. Kiss my ass... you know I like it. haha!
challan 19
okay that may have been to far... all in good fun people. you know I love you all, especially chipmunk. she's funny as hell.
isallwaysme 27
this thread needs to end..
allie2590 31
More like make a fart stop and start in spurts if you ask me.
SmilieAKD 20
I did not know that, now I do. Not sure how I feel about that.
feelingold 18
#43 you've just destroyed my innocence. And I didn't think I had any innocence left.
isallwaysme 27
mother of god..
GenH2105 14
Hmm. That would be ironic!
simplyblades 10
Oh that sucks. That would have been super awkward.
FRB 8
Hahaha
Pleonasm 36
Oh lord that's unpleasant.