Today, I was training at work on proper techniques of physical restraint. As my coworker was practicing on me, I realized this was the first time I've had physical contact with a man in years. I'm ashamed to admit how good it felt to feel his weight pressed into my back as I pretended to resist. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to a first aid training course. I had to lie on the floor and pretend I was unconscious. We were supposed to be doing the recovery position, but the guy I was working with decided to perform CPR instead and grope my boobs in the process. FML
Today, I was in yoga class. We were in downward-facing dog pose, and the male instructor stood behind me and gave me an assist/adjustment by pulling upward on my hips. As I left the class, I realized that was the most intimate touch I've ever received from a man. I'm a 25-year-old straight woman. FML
Today, while arm wrestling with my boyfriend, I had to pretend he beat me. FML
Today, I was being a little playful with my boyfriend when we began wrestling. He then put me in a choking headlock and wouldn't let me out until I "tapped out". FML
Today, I had to go hands-on at work, while choking on mace, with a man who was mentally disturbed. It could have been avoided, if my supervisor had been less concerned with asserting dominance, and instead let the guy get a grip on the situation. Great use of my college degrees. FML
Today, I'm training to be a nurse in a hospital. Our teacher asked for a volunteer to demonstrate how bed restraints work. After I was shackled to the bed she said, "Now let's make sure they work. Are you ticklish?" My entire class tickled me until I screamed, cried and nearly wet my pants. FML
Today, I locked lips with someone, or rather something, other than family for the first time in my life. It was a CPR dummy. FML
Today, I was at my retail job and we had to change the mannequin's outfit. I had to hold her while my manager grabbed the new outfit. I rested my head on her naked plastic chest, and it was the closest I've got to affection in years. FML
Today, I met a new guy at work who wouldn't stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six-hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me that he was her husband. FML
Today, at physical therapy, I felt that all-too-familiar gurgle in my gut, but I thought it would a light, silent fart. I squatted for an exercise and shit my pants in front of the cute, single, male physical therapist. He definitely noticed. I still had 30 minutes left in the session. FML
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Top comments
buckdharma 38
A proper technique might be to tie him up so he can't get away.
tpm45 25
Might I suggest online dating?
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Comments (63)
niftyismybitch 21
I guess you were the one who was actually "physically restraining" herself.
worldclassrager 41
Maybe you could get a date with him...if not you'll find someone...
Wizardo 34
Well no time like the present to enjoy yourself and start looking for a relationship maybe.
perdix 31
It's not hard to find men to have physical contact with. They've invented a magical substance that conceals your flaws and makes you desireable to men. It's called alcohol.
Silvinomiae 20
Needs to be applied the right way, though.
perdix 31
#21, you'd be surprised at how many men who really aren't good at anything else, apply alcohol expertly.
Kifferella 2
Don't be ashamed. Physical contact, sexual or not, is a requirement of humans. If you're lacking it, you'll get that *shudder* from almost any physical contact.
repKyle95 24
'Tis true. I'm only 18 and I get chills down my spine whenever someone gets close. It sucks. Still, OP, that is rather sad, but look at it this way - if you can fill 100 pages with vivid descriptions like that, you could have a future as a writer! :)
fordneagles 34
Or maybe you just discovered you might like things a little kinky, that can be fun too ;)
Cazz91 21
I would give you a comforting hug but I am not sure if that would make things better or worse for you. Maybe try going to public places that interest you to meet new people if online dating / friend sites are not an option for you. You can do it! :)
Ms_ValS 27
This is too sad.
mangobbler 11
Physical restraint techniques? Haven't been with a man in years? Why does this remind me of Sandra Bullock's character in the movie Miss Congeniality?
dRpRdP 8
continue with training.. get in a better shape.. all dicks will follow u..
Nyx_fml 23
Wrong kind of training, buddy.
dRpRdP 8
yup its going wrong way cuz f frustration.. proper training will do..