Today, I was training at work on proper techniques of physical restraint. As my coworker was practicing on me, I realized this was the first time I've had physical contact with a man in years. I'm ashamed to admit how good it felt to feel his weight pressed into my back as I pretended to resist. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to a first aid training course. I had to lie on the floor and pretend I was unconscious. We were supposed to be doing the recovery position, but the guy I was working with decided to perform CPR instead and grope my boobs in the process. FML
Today, I was in yoga class. We were in downward-facing dog pose, and the male instructor stood behind me and gave me an assist/adjustment by pulling upward on my hips. As I left the class, I realized that was the most intimate touch I've ever received from a man. I'm a 25-year-old straight woman. FML
Today, while arm wrestling with my boyfriend, I had to pretend he beat me. FML
Today, I was being a little playful with my boyfriend when we began wrestling. He then put me in a choking headlock and wouldn't let me out until I "tapped out". FML
Today, I had to go hands-on at work, while choking on mace, with a man who was mentally disturbed. It could have been avoided, if my supervisor had been less concerned with asserting dominance, and instead let the guy get a grip on the situation. Great use of my college degrees. FML
Today, I'm training to be a nurse in a hospital. Our teacher asked for a volunteer to demonstrate how bed restraints work. After I was shackled to the bed she said, "Now let's make sure they work. Are you ticklish?" My entire class tickled me until I screamed, cried and nearly wet my pants. FML
Today, I locked lips with someone, or rather something, other than family for the first time in my life. It was a CPR dummy. FML
Today, I was at my retail job and we had to change the mannequin's outfit. I had to hold her while my manager grabbed the new outfit. I rested my head on her naked plastic chest, and it was the closest I've got to affection in years. FML
Today, I met a new guy at work who wouldn't stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six-hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me that he was her husband. FML
Today, at physical therapy, I felt that all-too-familiar gurgle in my gut, but I thought it would a light, silent fart. I squatted for an exercise and shit my pants in front of the cute, single, male physical therapist. He definitely noticed. I still had 30 minutes left in the session. FML
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Top comments
buckdharma 38
A proper technique might be to tie him up so he can't get away.
tpm45 25
Might I suggest online dating?
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Comments (63)
paramor3 23
Awww! You need a real good hug! In the mean time, I can only offer a virtually hug....*HUGS*
Hutch1965 6
Your life may suck, but it sounds like you had a few really good minutes there.
pedinhuh 23
You should go out more often...:
jrock9093 18
Don't worry op you find someone soon ;)
dcgriffith_fml 7
Well OP maybe I can help. message me if you want
BrotherTheo 31
*books a flight to Utah*
beautifulsoul89 11
Get out and date than!!! Don't be ashamed, but enough of the "no contact".. time to get out and find someone. Get a new outfit and shoes, get all ready and strut your stuff..someone is bound to notice!!! Good luck!!!
asherm 15
Yeah OP, I'm having that issue too. Like hugging guy friends, oh and I have no shame in telling them that it's been a while and that got me hot lol
rwil90 8
It puts the man on the skin else it gets the hand again
pistolpete31000 7
OP need some lovin? Hit me up ;)