Today, I realized how fat I really am. While going to the bathroom I leaned to the side to wipe my butt and heard a crack. Not knowing what it was, I continued to wipe. After I finished, I got up to see that I'd cracked the toilet seat in half. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tore my ass crack. No, not my asshole, my ass crack. I don't know why, I don't know how, I just know it hurts. FML
Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML
Today, after speeding home due to an overflowing bladder, I ran to the bathroom, forgetting that the toilet seat was broken. While doing my business, the toilet seat and I both slid off the bowl. FML
Today, I fell in the shower, landing ass-crack first onto a can of shaving cream, which split my butt straight down the crack. FML
Today, after having my bath, I realised that I've gotten so fat that I have to lift up my butt cheeks in order to dry underneath them. FML
Today, I sat down to use the bathroom after a long day of work. My toilet, however, had other plans, as a spontaneous, ear shattering crack flooded the entire bathroom, soaking the outer carpet and shorting out my bathroom scale. FML
Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for a moment, stunned, still pooping. FML
Today, I was so ashamed of my weight when I sat down and the suction of my thighs made a loud fart noise, I admitted to it being a fart rather than my fat rolls. FML
Today, I was in the shower when I realised that maybe I'm getting a little too fat. I was scrubbing the old belly when a dollar flew out onto the floor. I'm 23. FML
Today, I tried to go down the stairs two steps at a time. I slipped, fell flat on my ass, and busted my lower lip against my overbite. When I tried to get up, I realized I had also peed my pants. FML
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Top comments
SusanaSaysRawrxD 0
Diet. Gastric Bypass. Tummy Tuck. Gym. Something! D: and how the **** do you crack a porcelain seat like that? my God. :3
Sue21 0
wow
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Comments (224)
cute_and_insane 0
Suddenly, I feel anorexic. O_o Anyway... Eff the toilet's life.
xOblivion 0
ahahaha XD Peter Griffin could've written this !
hahahalololololo 0
Maybe it was a weak toilet
calamito 0
You're probably not as fat as you think. I only weigh 100lbs, and I've broken a toilet seat before. Yes. ME. I BROKE A TOILET SEAT. It's okay. It's fixable. =)
weirdgirl_sf 0
That sux, but just take it as motivation to get healthier. Unless the toilet seat was supper cheap, because that happened to my friend and she was just regular sized. She WAS hella embarrassed though.
mikew85 0
Spend more time working out, and less time eating and writing FMLs.
panda4life 0
then y did u make an account? lol that was a fml on ur part
Bikon153 0
my question is. why are you sitting down when wiping your ass?
DeadMansCrack 4
YOU'RE A FAT! FAT FAT ASS! YOU'RE A FAT! FATTY FAT FATTY! FAT BUTTTTT. FAT BUTTTTTTT. YOU ARE A FAT BUTT. YOU PUT FAT ASSES ON TOILETS AND BREAK THEM. FATTY FAT. FAT FAT ASS.
MandaHugankiss 0
huh my question is why wouldnt he be sitting down when wiping his ass? how the hell do you wipe your ass?
anniemeece 23
Yeah, I agree. I didn't know anyone did that. I always stand up while wiping. o,o
yaktazuki 0
Seriously, I hate fat people. They all need to die because they are disgusting. YDI for being fat you douche
panda4life 0
they r the duche? really, u are a very dumb person and they don't need to die. I think u just hate ur life so ur hating on people that doesn't deserve it. duche bag that needs to get out of his moms basement
ReallyNeedsRehab 0
DAYUMMMMMM. HAHAHAHA