Today, I was sitting at the computer when this really annoying fly kept landing on the keyboard. After a while, I took the bottom of a pen and squished it. Twenty minutes later I absentmindedly started chewing at the bottom of the pen. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while I was eating, a fly kept pissing me off. After three minutes of it buzzing around, I caught it and killed it. Then, without realizing it, I smeared its guts all over the front of my shirt. FML
Today, I was drinking coffee at work, while being surrounded by a lot of flies in the area I was working. Later, in the evening, I found a fly under my bottom denture plate. It'd been there for about 12 hours. FML
Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML
Today, I had a sip of my coffee and felt a lump of some kind enter my mouth. I thought it was a bit of biscuit, and then remembered I didn't have biscuits this morning with my coffee. I took it out of my mouth and it was a huge black fly. I then spat the rest of my coffee all over my laptop. FML
Today, I was working and eating. I was so tired that I bit into my pen and smeared my chocolate-filled pastry on my exercise book. FML
Today, I ruined my computer screen trying to kill a fly. FML
Today, at lunch, a fly was buzzing around my food. I managed to kill the fly in my napkin in midair. I continued my lunch, pleased with my amazing ninja skills. When I was done with my lunch, I wiped my mouth with the napkin. I can still taste bug guts. Karma. FML
Today, I was in an exam and was chewing the end of my pen, stuck on a question. My mouth filled up with ink. I wasn't allowed to leave, so I had to sit for another hour with a foul-tasting blue tongue and a half-working pen. FML
Today, I was eating a packet of chips while watching TV. I saw a crumb on the table in front of me, so without thinking I picked it up and ate it. It wasn't a crumb. It was a tick. FML
Today, a small fly was harassing my face, then it landed on a book next to me. I waved at it to make it leave, but it didn't. I got my fingers closer to it, to scare it off. Instead, it jumped on my finger as a playful parrot pet, spent a moment there, and flew off. I cannot even intimidate a fly. FML
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Top comments
_rawrasaur_ 0
Would have loved to see your face at the moment you realised.
f_my_life88 0
Did it taste like chicken?
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Comments (104)
mtrob121 0
SECOND
LP95 0
YDI FOR KILLING A FLY. AND CHEWING ON YOUR PEN. AND HAVING A COMPUTER. AND A HOUSE. AND A LIFE. SOME PEOPLE HAVE NONE OF THOSE! once again, i'll appreciate your constructive criticism on my post. thank you and have a nice day
f_my_life88 0
wow seriously?? ...that just wasn't funny (#7)
emilysanftwsom 0
Funniest and grossest FML ever! I love it!
MyzticHydra 0
you need to learn how to count :) unless you were expecting someone else to put first as you were typing haha @OP also i never smashed a fly with a pen you must be like a ninja! a very absent minded one at that...
Aish_fml 0
Yeah...you must be some bad ass to be able to squash a fly with the bottom of your pen, dude...
dx169 0
YDI for sitting
Imawhalerider 0
20 min rule!
divineinstrument 2
I agree with #15. Considering how quick flies can get away if you try to squish them, it's amazing you managed to crush one with the bottom of a pen. Unless it was like a giant pen.
dx169 0
YDI for being amazed
TrollofTrolls 0
YDI FOR NOT BEING NAKED
Kiwi_Splash 0
True. It takes a lot of concentration and a presumably excellent grip. As for chewing the bottom of the pen, how expected! It's the one thing I can't control.
ninja578 0
yea, OP, ether u have a giant pen, or you are very skilled :)
DameGreyWulf 1
My dad can snatch flies out of the air. Then he throws them on the floor and kills them. I keep trying, but they always pull up just before they hit the floor. I must throw like a girl or something (hahurr) But yeah, usually I just smash them with my keys if they're on the keyboard. Pen's a different one for me. YD eating flies for being stupid... just get a fly-swatter lol
perryscherry 0
...an absent minded ninja...i like it...lol
governator 0
I am super-duper serial!
Crlnprz 11
whats up with all the retarded fmls..
TrackLifee 2
Your fault for trying to end a precious life...you should have been punished a lot worse than just that. People who kill things should all be punished, maybe that will teach them a lesson. Every life is a miracle, I'm sorry you felt the need to end one because it landed on your computer.
Koibito_fml 0
If you've walked, you've killed something. Not an FML (it's just a bug, get over it XD), but gross. I chew on pens all the time when I'm reading and don't realize it, so it must suck to be doing something and suddenly realize 'my, this pen is quite tangy!'.
paopao2 0
what is wrong with u chilax dude calm douwn k plz
paopao2 0
perve she didnt need to be and how do u know she wasent
futtgoredo 0
FAIL but in a good way (for you at least)
sukhdeep 4
none fmls make me laugh. im not a serious person and whenever my friends roll on the floor laughing i have to fake it FMl
Imawhalerider 0
Its bacon!!
Antivirus_fml 0
FIRST!
dx169 0
YDI for being a troll
tarula 1
YDI for being a woman
paopao2 0
wat do u mean only a hobo dosent ouwn a chair u stupi
futtgoredo 0
FAIL wow 2 in one fml what are the odds ?
Say_hi 0
Lmao. That must suck. Icky. :P
blackredwhite 0
eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
f_my_life88 0
Did it taste like chicken?
delfinofrank 0
How did it taste?
mubaki 18
protein :P
_rawrasaur_ 0
Would have loved to see your face at the moment you realised.
SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0
I second this.
Imawhalerider 0
free food lucky bastard give me some. You know some people who posted other fml's like the guy with the dad faking acceptance letters. sounds like you could share fates.