Today, I realized how fat I really am. While going to the bathroom I leaned to the side to wipe my butt and heard a crack. Not knowing what it was, I continued to wipe. After I finished, I got up to see that I'd cracked the toilet seat in half. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tore my ass crack. No, not my asshole, my ass crack. I don't know why, I don't know how, I just know it hurts. FML
Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML
Today, after speeding home due to an overflowing bladder, I ran to the bathroom, forgetting that the toilet seat was broken. While doing my business, the toilet seat and I both slid off the bowl. FML
Today, I fell in the shower, landing ass-crack first onto a can of shaving cream, which split my butt straight down the crack. FML
Today, after having my bath, I realised that I've gotten so fat that I have to lift up my butt cheeks in order to dry underneath them. FML
Today, I sat down to use the bathroom after a long day of work. My toilet, however, had other plans, as a spontaneous, ear shattering crack flooded the entire bathroom, soaking the outer carpet and shorting out my bathroom scale. FML
Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for a moment, stunned, still pooping. FML
Today, I was so ashamed of my weight when I sat down and the suction of my thighs made a loud fart noise, I admitted to it being a fart rather than my fat rolls. FML
Today, I was in the shower when I realised that maybe I'm getting a little too fat. I was scrubbing the old belly when a dollar flew out onto the floor. I'm 23. FML
Today, I tried to go down the stairs two steps at a time. I slipped, fell flat on my ass, and busted my lower lip against my overbite. When I tried to get up, I realized I had also peed my pants. FML
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Top comments
SusanaSaysRawrxD 0
Diet. Gastric Bypass. Tummy Tuck. Gym. Something! D: and how the **** do you crack a porcelain seat like that? my God. :3
Sue21 0
wow
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Comments (224)
heywood 0
The saddest part of this FML is how many closet nutritionests come out of the woodwork at the slightest mention of obesity. Yes, we get it, eat less and exercise. Thank-you everyone for your expert advice.
ghostgirll 0
cool but i wish you didn't have to go into detail about exactly what you were doing when it cracked. you DID NOT need to mention that you were wiping your ass as it happened.
cmac86 24
God almighty how much do you weigh?! I'm not the skinniest person in the state but I've never been that close to breaking a toilet seat. I'm hoping for your sake that it was one of those real cheap plastic ones.
Mattyknows 0
Why have 8000 people clicked "your life is ******" and not "you deserve it". Of course you deserve it, if you didn't want to be fat you shouldn't have eaten all the ******* pies should you!? YDI for eating all the pies.
hossgray 0
Buncha morons! Knows how to comment anymore!! Everyone just all of the sudden knows all the secrets to losing weight!! All those people are dumbasses!
maddog_fml 0
WAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! Best one of today!!
suziie_fml 0
aww :[ heyy you should watch this video.. we make a joke about breaking a toilet!.. i didnt think that was possible :/ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-f1gP0ua78
employed22 0
So long as you washed after wiping s'all good.
NoneofyourBizz 0
at least it wasnt a niceeeee toliet seat, i would like to see the man who had to clean that shit up
REDCRAYON 0
that is ducked up