Today, I had to feed an elderly man in the care home in which I work while he was whacking off. Our work policy states that I have to pretend not to notice. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went over to talk to my boss. I must have snuck up on her because she was masturbating through her pants. She stopped and I had to chat away, pretending I didn't notice. FML
Today, at work, the security threw out an old man in his 80s who had been caught masturbating while hiding in the ladies' changing room. I thought it was funny until my manager told me to clean up that very same changing room with the old man spunk all over the wall and floor. FML
Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML
Today, I put on some goggles on in the pool, only to go underwater and see an old man "discreetly" jerking it. FML
Today, the mentally-challenged teen who sometimes comes into my restaurant gave me a hug as usual. I thought it was sweet, until a coworker let me know he immediately goes and jacks off in the bathroom after. FML
Today, I walked into the restroom at work, only to find my boss stroking and playing with himself. I have my annual performance assessment with him in an hour. FML
Today, while working at a nursing home, I was alone in the station and figured I could sneak one out. It wound up being very loud, and I could hear the faint snickering of a patient in the next room. Every time he saw me for the rest of the day he would burst out laughing. FML
Today, I heard a man pleasuring himself in the stall next to me during my post lunch deuce. I was washing my hands when my boss walked out of the stall. I can no longer look at him in the face. FML
Today, I was accused of masturbating during work. I was actually just getting something out of my pocket. FML
Today, I have been having to work in a residence of people with disabilities when I normally do community work with disabled people and usually enjoy it. I have seen not one, but two elderly mens' genitals today when my actual job would never require me to see any. I didn’t sign up for this. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
_GoodGuy 11
Can't wait to reach old age, I can do anything I want ;)
crazytwinsmom 25
I would think he'd be able to feed himself if he can whack off.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (122)
cha2010chi 10
I work in the same field so I completely feel your pain.
Omniprism 15
I would have just said can you hold off while we finish this then you can finish that?
giraffelovergirl 19
That's a cummy policy.
hannah_shore23 4
Thats just disturbing. lol sorry OP
fwongraven 10
I'm sure work policy can't trump the law. Someone wanks in front of you, get them arrested.
TheLawOfSod 4
This. It's indecent exposure and could be sexual harassment!
TheyCallMeDamien 18
Have some dignity and tell them no.
blackwidowtaco 31
That could possibly result in op being fired if the elderly person in question is fully aware of their surroundings and not currently suffering from Alzheimer's.
MrsAlexander83 10
That sucks for you! I wouldn't want to put up with stuff like that. I once volunteered at a crisis hotline where we couldn't hang up on people whacking off. I thought it was so stupid that they wanted us to sit there and ask them if they were ok while they were grunting and asking us to keep talking. Eventually I just started putting the phone down and going on about doing other things. On a side note though--he has to be pretty talented to chew his food and whack it at the same time. That's like patting your head and rubbing your stomach--dang near impossible!
flashback_fml 14
Feed me please
Beepbeep7 14
Dinner and a show.
unixdude 9
Now to figure out which of your coworkers has been giving him handjobs. He just has a Pavlovian reaction to being fed...