Today, I had to feed an elderly man in the care home in which I work while he was whacking off. Our work policy states that I have to pretend not to notice. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went over to talk to my boss. I must have snuck up on her because she was masturbating through her pants. She stopped and I had to chat away, pretending I didn't notice. FML
Today, at work, the security threw out an old man in his 80s who had been caught masturbating while hiding in the ladies' changing room. I thought it was funny until my manager told me to clean up that very same changing room with the old man spunk all over the wall and floor. FML
Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML
Today, I put on some goggles on in the pool, only to go underwater and see an old man "discreetly" jerking it. FML
Today, the mentally-challenged teen who sometimes comes into my restaurant gave me a hug as usual. I thought it was sweet, until a coworker let me know he immediately goes and jacks off in the bathroom after. FML
Today, I walked into the restroom at work, only to find my boss stroking and playing with himself. I have my annual performance assessment with him in an hour. FML
Today, while working at a nursing home, I was alone in the station and figured I could sneak one out. It wound up being very loud, and I could hear the faint snickering of a patient in the next room. Every time he saw me for the rest of the day he would burst out laughing. FML
Today, I heard a man pleasuring himself in the stall next to me during my post lunch deuce. I was washing my hands when my boss walked out of the stall. I can no longer look at him in the face. FML
Today, I was accused of masturbating during work. I was actually just getting something out of my pocket. FML
Today, I have been having to work in a residence of people with disabilities when I normally do community work with disabled people and usually enjoy it. I have seen not one, but two elderly mens' genitals today when my actual job would never require me to see any. I didn’t sign up for this. FML
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Top comments
_GoodGuy 11
Can't wait to reach old age, I can do anything I want ;)
crazytwinsmom 25
I would think he'd be able to feed himself if he can whack off.
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Comments (122)
Dswank620 18
That's ridiculous that it happens so often they have a policy for it..
iluvpeanutbutter 22
Old people do weird, and often inappropriate, things. Maybe that's how he ended up in a home!
AnthonyWheeler15 24
FYL definitely OP. This wasn't your fault and that rule seems a little, not right.
RedPillSucks 33
Was it Jamaican night? Perhaps you should ask that they take the jerk chicken off the menu.
TheDrifter 24
Maybe swap it for barbeque? Pulled pork anyone?
migueljm5 18
Yeah i would quit
perdix 31
I have got to read that policy manual! Usually, they are boring tomes with dress codes and Internet use rules. The masturbation section must be a hoot! I wonder what the staff reaction to an old lady's vibrator batteries dying should be -- supply new ones or tell them to use it in ***** mode?
DrownedMyFish 18
This comment almost made me lose my lunch. Thanks for the images, Perdix.
perdix 31
#32, you must be new here. The old hands here know not to eat and read FML at the same time . . . especially when the subject of old hands comes up.
mFUNdo21 17
that mental image cannot be unseen
MerrikBarbarian 9
39- or we just get so desensitized nothing bothers us anymore. ;)
starile 20
Most of us reading this are sittin' on the toilet, anyways. Am I right, folks? Am I right?
Wakachulak 22
Jeez, you people are such wimps. I read FML during lunch and have no problems of the sort.
seeoseek 18
Haha as a matter of fact I am right now!
katnissmellark_fml 15
my mind is now tainted with disgusting images.....
LegolasPrincess 10
Old people gotta love them...
psiloveyou15 12
He's clearly taking advantage of company policy.
Enslaved 38
You can't just come back when he's finish? Or does food make him horny? :P
deusraps 8
i hope I get to be in a home like that. :)
jw90 18
I'd let him finish, then come back.