Today, my best friend and roommate has decided to "stop being controlled by society" while at home. This involves him walking around naked, masturbating whenever he wants, and not cleaning up his guys. I've stepped in it three times already. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my extremely overweight roommate decided to not only be a nudist, but also to get in shape for his new lifestyle. He's been doing naked lunges in our room for the last twenty minutes. FML
Today, I experienced the horror of walking in on my best friend fondling his tits. Yes, "his". FML
Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML
Today, my room-mate came out of the bathroom, tossed a Playboy on the coffee table, threw away a used condom, dug his hand into my bag of Doritos, and washed his hands. In that order. FML
Today, my college roommate whom I've never met moved in. Good thing I wasn't completely naked, playing with myself on the couch when he walked in. That would've been awkward. FML
Today, I realized my best friend has had it off in my apartment more times than I have. FML
Today, I caught my best friend in bed with my current boyfriend. Apparently watching movies naked is "the new in thing". FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML
Today, my roommate is super comfortable around me. Comfortable enough to masturbate while we are in the same room. I asked him to stop, which took some self-control because I wanted to shout at him. He said he needs to do it because of his shin splints. Whatever. FML
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Top comments
BurnInDemonFire 39
Punch him in the face every time you catch him jerking off. If he complains, tell him society no longer controls you.
real life problems 26
Society has nothing to do with having some self control and not being a disgusting slob. That's just an excuse to be a lazy shitbag
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Comments (21)
Yudith 28
You're missing a great opportunity to mop his balls with Mr. Clean whenever you see them. Also, if he gets to strut around the house naked, eat like a pig, cook his famous durian haggis with sauerkraut and Bleu cheese or play the same polka song a hundred times in a row, so do you.
boopingsnoot 25
Time to get a spray bottle and use some negative reenforcement. Maybe fill the bottle with pee?
RinoaHeartilly 36
Your friend is a disgusting, inconsiderate asshole.
wanted_2_want 40
Time to call the nuthouse stat!
lj19717 19
Not cleaning it up crosses the line
Taurus_ChicKa 37
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Let him step in your mess!
PhoenixChick 26
Invite his mother over for a suprise dinner
PhoenixChick 26
Invite your pregant sister over to projectile vomit all over the inside of his car
sbjess 8
dealing with a roommate like that... what a heavy load to handle.
Jerry Leberer 12
that scumbag would be homeless