Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share some "awesome" news with me. He excitedly declared that he and his idiot drinking buddies are planning on running a real-life Fight Club out of our basement. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after I was surprised by my husband announcing he was coming off the drink and going to the gym to get in shape, I found out that I've been such a fool, as it turns out the pre-workout shakes he kept making contained about 5 shots of vodka, so he could drink at home without me moaning. FML
Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital. He and his friends got the bright idea of recording a re-enactment of a scene from Fight Club for a YouTube video. It ended as soon as my husband caught a fist to the gut and started violently puking all over our basement floor. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML
Today, I witnessed my first drunken bar brawl. Yes, my 54-year-old husband was one of the participants. FML
Today, my husband walked in, lit a cigarette, burped, farted, opened two beers at once, then sat down in his armchair in his boxers to watch anime. My three best friends sat on the sofa thought it was hilarious while I was mortified. FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, it's my fifth wedding anniversary. My wife bailed on the romantic dinner that I arranged in favor of running off with her friends. Their big event: an amateur Fight Club event they'd decided to stage in an abandoned parking lot. FML
Today, I found out that my husband never actually took our new healthy lifestyle seriously when his coworker told me that now, instead of at the house, he keeps beer and cigars at his brother's house, and visits the Burger King drive through every day for lunch. FML
Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband reacted by going out and smoking weed, then getting completely shitfaced, and having his buddies drag his nearly-comatose carcass back home from a strip club. FML
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Top comments
windfuelsfire 10
It ain't legit if he spoke to you about it
buck33 14
First rule of fight club: don't talk about fight club.
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Comments (116)
coyo25 0
Next thing you know u will have pledges lined up by ur front door...one with bitch titts
twisted_cherub 14
My friend once suggested I start a female fight club because I'm evidently "the kind of chick who could pull that off". It was tempting, but I found 2 problems: 1. Women cannot not talk about anything. Rules 1&2 go out the window. 2. How do women all over our small town explain the black eyes & other various injuries to family, co-workers, etc. without breaking rules 1&2 or getting their significant others arrested?
loufol22 5
LOLOLOLOL
xlasernoobsx 0
First rule of Fight Club: Don't talk about Fight Club.
RavenPsychic 0
1st RULE: You do not talk about FIGHT CLUB. 2nd RULE: You DO NOT talk about FIGHT CLUB. 3rd RULE: If someone says "stop" or goes limp, taps out the fight is over. 4th RULE: Only two guys to a fight. 5th RULE: One fight at a time. 6th RULE: No shirts, no shoes. 7th RULE: Fights will go on as long as they have to. 8th RULE: If this is your first night at FIGHT CLUB, you HAVE to fight.
redhedsaysrawr 18
6th rule: will i still get service?
RavenPsychic 0
He has broken the first two rules of fight club. He must suffer the penalty of having his genitals cut off.
tdawg4200 0
Join, and kick the crap out of him. He'll stop once you grind his face into the floor. I guarantee it.
alyssana 0
doesn't he know the first rule of fight club?
xDefiant 4
I got excited when I read this, even though I expected all the "You just broke the first rule" posts. My favourite movie for sure.
blankenship21mms 6
He's breaking rule number one
RavenPsychic 0
It's the first two rules!