Today, my husband walked in, lit a cigarette, burped, farted, opened two beers at once, then sat down in his armchair in his boxers to watch anime. My three best friends sat on the sofa thought it was hilarious while I was mortified. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I can’t get over that my husband will watch children’s movies all by himself, even though we don’t have kids. Seriously, I brought a friend over today and when we walked in he was drinking beer, watching a cartoon movie about a ladybird-themed superhero girl. It was so embarrassing. FML
Today, while sitting on the couch with my husband, I farted quietly. Not a big deal, except it's hot out and our fan was blowing in his face, and it stunk. FML
Today, my husband farted, grabbed a fan and blew the smell right at me. Disgusted, I reminded him that I’m a lady, not a dude. He burst out laughing and sang, "Dude looks like a lady." FML
Today, I was watching our home security cameras from work when I saw my husband get home and grab a beer. I activated the camera microphone and told him to put it back and fold the laundry. He flipped off the camera, chugged the beer, and started jacking off on the living room sofa. FML
Today, I farted in front of my husband. It somehow turned into a farting war. Then I realized this is the closest we've come to intimacy in a week. FML
Today, I went to the movies on a date. My chair made a fart sound while I moved around a little, so my date thought I'd let one rip. He then let out a really horrendously smelling one to make me feel less embarrassed, giving me a reassuring look. FML
Today, my husband came home mid-day and told me he could never EVER go back to our local Starbucks. A fart had gone wrong. Horrifically wrong. On a day he wore shorts. Have you ever had to hold in laughter while comforting someone having an existential crisis? FML
Today, my husband farted while he was naked and bending over to pick up his clothes, so me lying on the bed got a perfect view of his butthole twitching and flapping around as the gas escaped. Who says romance is dead? FML
Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be cool, I told my wife to get out of the living room and back in the kitchen. I felt smug, right up until she said, "Why? Your mom doesn't need to be turned over for another 20 minutes, dick." FML
Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML
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Top comments
BurnInDemonFire 39
Trailer trash has always been funny. Look at 'My Name Is Earl'.
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Comments (1)
BurnInDemonFire 39
Trailer trash has always been funny. Look at 'My Name Is Earl'.