Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share some "awesome" news with me. He excitedly declared that he and his idiot drinking buddies are planning on running a real-life Fight Club out of our basement. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after I was surprised by my husband announcing he was coming off the drink and going to the gym to get in shape, I found out that I've been such a fool, as it turns out the pre-workout shakes he kept making contained about 5 shots of vodka, so he could drink at home without me moaning. FML
Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital. He and his friends got the bright idea of recording a re-enactment of a scene from Fight Club for a YouTube video. It ended as soon as my husband caught a fist to the gut and started violently puking all over our basement floor. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML
Today, I witnessed my first drunken bar brawl. Yes, my 54-year-old husband was one of the participants. FML
Today, my husband walked in, lit a cigarette, burped, farted, opened two beers at once, then sat down in his armchair in his boxers to watch anime. My three best friends sat on the sofa thought it was hilarious while I was mortified. FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, it's my fifth wedding anniversary. My wife bailed on the romantic dinner that I arranged in favor of running off with her friends. Their big event: an amateur Fight Club event they'd decided to stage in an abandoned parking lot. FML
Today, I found out that my husband never actually took our new healthy lifestyle seriously when his coworker told me that now, instead of at the house, he keeps beer and cigars at his brother's house, and visits the Burger King drive through every day for lunch. FML
Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband reacted by going out and smoking weed, then getting completely shitfaced, and having his buddies drag his nearly-comatose carcass back home from a strip club. FML
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Top comments
windfuelsfire 10
It ain't legit if he spoke to you about it
buck33 14
First rule of fight club: don't talk about fight club.
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Comments (116)
windfuelsfire 10
It ain't legit if he spoke to you about it
yahoowizard 16
And it's only legit if he starts off by fighting himself
coldashell 23
Just keep the lye away from him.
ScaughtieHolden 11
Is your Husband's name Robert Paulson?
Jamialia 5
No, it's obviously Tyler Durden.
ladyLALAA 29
Only in death does one have a name!
nmcoy 6
Never talk about fight club. Ever.
miserypoison 13
People had to break the first 2 rules to cause a gang of mayhem. The first 2 rules were made to show that some rules are meant to be broken and are arbitrary.
buck33 14
First rule of fight club: don't talk about fight club.
airforce987 20
Second rule of fight club: Don't talk about fight club!
DKjazz 20
Third: Are we still talking about fight club?
muzy 23
You are not one of us. I hereby banish you from this site. LEAVE !!
GrammarNazzzzzi 6
Wrong! Third rule about fight club: dont talk about the rules of fight club, because by doing so you are talking about fight club! Fourth rule about fight club: SHHHHHHHHH Btw i know these are not the real ones
XtraEzeee 8
You all just talked about fight club.
airforce987 20
49 - so did you
XtraEzeee 8
Touché 61, touché....
Binsy 8
Fail. The first rule of Fight Club is you don't talk about Fight Club!
BarDownDaily 12
Thanks for clearing that up. The first 3 comments were kinda confusing.
starbeast 0
It's unlikely she read the first three before posting since they all posted at the same time.
muzy 23
23 made a mistake by assuming something. Quickly everyone, let us insult his lack of intelligence. I'll start: 23# you nincompoop !!
mnmolino 14
Did you marry Peter Griffin by chance?
thisispointless 2
your comment is AWSEOME
tdawg4200 0
No it isn't. Peter started a bar, not a fight club. Re-watch the episode so you can save yourself from some of the embarrassment you'll suffer when you realize I'm right. Plus, you spelled awesome wrong. There's no excuse for that.
mnmolino 14
Awwwwe, thank you
mikemillzy92 6
Hahaha, witty one aren't ya?
mnmolino 14
Idiots and lunatics can see only their own wit
mikemillzy92 6
And a philosopher apparently
aasshhll3eyy 2
you dont have a problem.... first rule of fight club dont talk about fight club!!! you could have a more serious problem as to what they will do if he used fight club as a cover!
1awliet 8
Well you'll make lots of money?
looloothing 9
A true fight club doesn't charge money. Everyone knows that.
DKjazz 20
Unless you haven't read the book. There's no other way to learn about Fight Club, because, as exhaustively mentioned, it's forbidden to talk about Fight Club.
becccers 14
Maybe you should read the book lol. It's a non-profit organisation bruh.
OnlyOnFML 0
Let the games begin.
palahniukpaul 6
I read that book, you should invest in a good mop for the blood, and maybe some life insurance.
teague95 16
Book?!? Are you high? No one cares about the book, the movie is the awesome and a classic.
MagicallyFat 12
52 - GTFO
Benji55 1
Tyler Durden 2.0