Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share some "awesome" news with me. He excitedly declared that he and his idiot drinking buddies are planning on running a real-life Fight Club out of our basement. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after I was surprised by my husband announcing he was coming off the drink and going to the gym to get in shape, I found out that I've been such a fool, as it turns out the pre-workout shakes he kept making contained about 5 shots of vodka, so he could drink at home without me moaning. FML
Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital. He and his friends got the bright idea of recording a re-enactment of a scene from Fight Club for a YouTube video. It ended as soon as my husband caught a fist to the gut and started violently puking all over our basement floor. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML
Today, I witnessed my first drunken bar brawl. Yes, my 54-year-old husband was one of the participants. FML
Today, my husband walked in, lit a cigarette, burped, farted, opened two beers at once, then sat down in his armchair in his boxers to watch anime. My three best friends sat on the sofa thought it was hilarious while I was mortified. FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, it's my fifth wedding anniversary. My wife bailed on the romantic dinner that I arranged in favor of running off with her friends. Their big event: an amateur Fight Club event they'd decided to stage in an abandoned parking lot. FML
Today, I found out that my husband never actually took our new healthy lifestyle seriously when his coworker told me that now, instead of at the house, he keeps beer and cigars at his brother's house, and visits the Burger King drive through every day for lunch. FML
Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband reacted by going out and smoking weed, then getting completely shitfaced, and having his buddies drag his nearly-comatose carcass back home from a strip club. FML
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Top comments
windfuelsfire 10
It ain't legit if he spoke to you about it
buck33 14
First rule of fight club: don't talk about fight club.
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Comments (116)
wildflower_grow 1
My fiancée and his buddies are doing the same thing.. FOurL!
yunilee7 4
I think you mean fiancé, fiancée is a woman.
manatees_r_epic 0
Maybe she's married to a hermaphrodite?
twisted_cherub 14
They aren't married yet.
gonad_gobbler 1
I was going to comment a joke about fighting but I forgot the punchline.
Xephyr 1
HA! Get it? PUNCHline? Lolololol...
dhardesty23 8
let him do it. that would be interesting to see how that situation winds up
bioboy725 10
It ends in four city blocks being completely demolished. Oh, and her husband will have a huge hole through his cheek and a burn on his hand.
gonad_gobbler 1
oh come on people! forgot the PUNCHline? fighting? get it!?
perdix 31
Yes. I got it. It was pretty clever.
jessie1 9
I got it, it just wasn't funny.
doorick 4
are you mental?
nashster2 1
Am I invited?
HSOMGF 5
And then you told him you are planning a real-life divorce. Right?
Mister_Triangle 21
Don't be angry at him, he's just become disenfranchised with his boring, consumerist lifestyle. Maybe if OP just helped her husband blow up a few credit card companies every once in a while, he wouldn't be so dissatisfied with how he lives his life.
elpopsw 0
The dream would be to have Brad Pitt and Jared Leto in there, the reality would be a lot of violent psychopaths stepping foot in your home. No thank you.
SephoraGypsy 15
With meatloaf buried in the flowerbeds in the back yard..
becccers 14
I wouldn't mind Ed Norton being there either...
perdix 31
You probably ought to GTFO while you guys still have some money. Once someone gets hurt in your basement Fight Club, the lawyers are going to inflict a hell of a lot more pain than some drunk, middle-aged, flabby pencil-pushers ever could.
LuxAeterna_fml 0
Ask if I can run project mayhem.
kei1108 13
You need to put a stop to that. Someone is going to get seriously hurt. If you really aren't comfortable with him doing it, then you should try and stop him.
Bball_boy15 3
Really?