Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my bedside table, along with a note saying, "I know it's tough being single." Apparently my mom has boundary issues, my dad will laugh at anything, and the fact I just got dumped means nothing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my father seems to be having an affair. A used condom was carelessly left on his nightstand and my mother found it. She refuses to believe that my boyfriend and I are not responsible. As punishment I am "no longer allowed to see him." We're both 22 and live together in our own apartment. FML
Today, my mum cleaned my room. When I got home she yelled at me for having condoms. I'm 24 years old and in a long term relationship. FML
Today, I found a condom on my bed with a note written by my girlfriend that said, "Since you started acting like a dick, you might as well dress like one." FML
Today, my dad found condoms in my room and kicked me out of the house. I know I’m 22 but I have nowhere to go. When I told him this, he threw a rolling suitcase at me and told me, “You have somewhere to go now - your boyfriend’s house!” I don’t even have a boyfriend, just casual random hookups. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted get to know my mom, so they went off and had a chat. After an hour, I noticed my girlfriend was gone and my mom was waiting for me. Apparently I've been dumped through my mother. FML
Today, I came back from a week long class trip. My mother took it upon herself to replace my bed sheets and clean my room. Apparently, she found a note under my mattress from my ex-boyfriend. It said "For all you future dudes, Connor was here first!" FML
Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. - Mom and Dad." FML
Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said, "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML
Today, my mom barged into my room, threw 5 boxes of condoms at me, then said, "So you don't get pregnant". She still hasn't accepted the fact that I'm a lesbian. FML
Today, my boyfriend invited me over, so I went, not thinking anything of it. To my surprise, he broke up with me. I was pretty upset, and as I was leaving his mom handed me a box. When I got home, I opened it. His mom had baked me a break-up cake. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
They're just trying to fill all your empty holes.
AlexRen 21
Look on the bright side at least the vegetable can't get you pregnant.
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Comments (134)
Mirorbo 27
There's a time and place for certain levels of humor. If the breakup was still fresh, then that's really a dick move on your parent's part...sorry about the salt on the wound.
MidnaLink 35
Salt. More like jalapeno pepper juice
perdix 31
Your getting dumped meant a lot to your parents -- it meant Comedy Time! They get to have some merriment at your misfortune -- schadenfreude rocks!
McNerdyNerd 8
Humor needed OP :) sorry you got dumped, but it sounds like a joke and that they were trying to make you laugh and feel better..it sounds like something my dad and I would do to each other
maosquare 18
So you mean you'll give your dad a zucchini?
stalkerstatus101 5
With a condom?
RamenForTheWin 10
Just for kicks and giggles.
NickKuiper 8
Make sure they hear you using their gift loud and clear! :p
EpicSquishii 21
I like your parents. Inappropriate humor is so fun to share between family members. Get them back!! It'll be fun, trust me
IOmnomHard 10
Well, DID you use the zucchini?
ninjuh_wingman 29
Least you have a zucchini.
TarieBoo 2
staying healthy and having safe veggie sex.......problem?
DoubleCross 9
Only one thing to do: Kill your parents.
TheFamilyElf 17
using the zucchini.
kkillaj 5
After screwing it
RamenForTheWin 10
Sure, Dax. Sounds cool. How's the investigation going?
Damn_Hippster 11
This is the one time where the parents actually want you to play with your food.