Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my bedside table, along with a note saying, "I know it's tough being single." Apparently my mom has boundary issues, my dad will laugh at anything, and the fact I just got dumped means nothing. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my father seems to be having an affair. A used condom was carelessly left on his nightstand and my mother found it. She refuses to believe that my boyfriend and I are not responsible. As punishment I am "no longer allowed to see him." We're both 22 and live together in our own apartment. FML
Today, my mum cleaned my room. When I got home she yelled at me for having condoms. I'm 24 years old and in a long term relationship. FML
Today, I found a condom on my bed with a note written by my girlfriend that said, "Since you started acting like a dick, you might as well dress like one." FML
Today, my dad found condoms in my room and kicked me out of the house. I know I’m 22 but I have nowhere to go. When I told him this, he threw a rolling suitcase at me and told me, “You have somewhere to go now - your boyfriend’s house!” I don’t even have a boyfriend, just casual random hookups. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted get to know my mom, so they went off and had a chat. After an hour, I noticed my girlfriend was gone and my mom was waiting for me. Apparently I've been dumped through my mother. FML
Today, I came back from a week long class trip. My mother took it upon herself to replace my bed sheets and clean my room. Apparently, she found a note under my mattress from my ex-boyfriend. It said "For all you future dudes, Connor was here first!" FML
Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. - Mom and Dad." FML
Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said, "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML
Today, my mom barged into my room, threw 5 boxes of condoms at me, then said, "So you don't get pregnant". She still hasn't accepted the fact that I'm a lesbian. FML
Today, my boyfriend invited me over, so I went, not thinking anything of it. To my surprise, he broke up with me. I was pretty upset, and as I was leaving his mom handed me a box. When I got home, I opened it. His mom had baked me a break-up cake. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
They're just trying to fill all your empty holes.
AlexRen 21
Look on the bright side at least the vegetable can't get you pregnant.
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Comments (134)
mrmerino 0
Some people are into that. Well, whatever you do, take pics.
twisted_cherub 14
OP, this has nothing to do with your situation, but I think it's awesome you didn't use "that" between "the fact" and "I got". People's overuse of "that" is one of my pet peeves. Also, I'm sorry about your break-up, but I think your parents sound fun and I'm sure you'll find someone better--even though you don't believe me right now since it's still fresh.
amy1_1bee 0
Weird.
KiddNYC1O 22
Practice makes perfect.
harbqll 0
In my experience, when people have things like this done to them, it's usual because they've done something to deserve it. So, what have you done?
twiins_fml 5
If your not going to use it, maybe give it to someone who might... Like me..:$
williamcarter93 13
I don't get it. Are you supposed to wrap the zucchini in the condom and pretend it is a penis and sex it up?
RamenForTheWin 10
Congratulations, Obvious, you've been promoted to general!
DoubleCross 9
k
Pigeon89 34
HA! or a pickled one?
DevaGolgotha 4
Your dad's privacy has obviously never been invaded...
cayytee 0
at least it wasnt a baby carrot
RamenForTheWin 10
At least she could've eaten that. Who's gonna eat a raw zucchini? More like she's lucky it wasn't a pineapple.