Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my bedside table, along with a note saying, "I know it's tough being single." Apparently my mom has boundary issues, my dad will laugh at anything, and the fact I just got dumped means nothing. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my father seems to be having an affair. A used condom was carelessly left on his nightstand and my mother found it. She refuses to believe that my boyfriend and I are not responsible. As punishment I am "no longer allowed to see him." We're both 22 and live together in our own apartment. FML
Today, my mum cleaned my room. When I got home she yelled at me for having condoms. I'm 24 years old and in a long term relationship. FML
Today, I found a condom on my bed with a note written by my girlfriend that said, "Since you started acting like a dick, you might as well dress like one." FML
Today, my dad found condoms in my room and kicked me out of the house. I know I’m 22 but I have nowhere to go. When I told him this, he threw a rolling suitcase at me and told me, “You have somewhere to go now - your boyfriend’s house!” I don’t even have a boyfriend, just casual random hookups. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted get to know my mom, so they went off and had a chat. After an hour, I noticed my girlfriend was gone and my mom was waiting for me. Apparently I've been dumped through my mother. FML
Today, I came back from a week long class trip. My mother took it upon herself to replace my bed sheets and clean my room. Apparently, she found a note under my mattress from my ex-boyfriend. It said "For all you future dudes, Connor was here first!" FML
Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. - Mom and Dad." FML
Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said, "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML
Today, my mom barged into my room, threw 5 boxes of condoms at me, then said, "So you don't get pregnant". She still hasn't accepted the fact that I'm a lesbian. FML
Today, my boyfriend invited me over, so I went, not thinking anything of it. To my surprise, he broke up with me. I was pretty upset, and as I was leaving his mom handed me a box. When I got home, I opened it. His mom had baked me a break-up cake. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
They're just trying to fill all your empty holes.
AlexRen 21
Look on the bright side at least the vegetable can't get you pregnant.
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Comments (134)
xplainphrox 8
Omg TFF
xplainphrox 8
You are having wayyy too much fun at her expense... You're a sick ****.... LOVE IT- HAHA
jlperry31 10
Use a squash, it has a curve and it's ribbed for his/her pleasure lmao
alexk92 6
I don't even know what a Zucchini is...
iHateHippiesToo 6
Your parents are awesome.
primadonna9396 16
Best #1 comment I've ever seen on here, bravo sir. OP, even if you didn't find it funny, YDI for being a miserable bitch over teenage 'relationship' bullshit.
joeychan 0
I'm here :)
Skelebitch 0
And we care about you being dumped, why?
hokeybby17 0
Did you uses it ?!?;)
gardenwhipped3 14
take a little bit of pity on your dad. your mom has boundary issues at least you can get away from her sometimes. he is OWNED by her. He was probably laughing about the stuff your mom does to him that he can't really tell you about.