Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my bedside table, along with a note saying, "I know it's tough being single." Apparently my mom has boundary issues, my dad will laugh at anything, and the fact I just got dumped means nothing. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my father seems to be having an affair. A used condom was carelessly left on his nightstand and my mother found it. She refuses to believe that my boyfriend and I are not responsible. As punishment I am "no longer allowed to see him." We're both 22 and live together in our own apartment. FML
Today, my mum cleaned my room. When I got home she yelled at me for having condoms. I'm 24 years old and in a long term relationship. FML
Today, I found a condom on my bed with a note written by my girlfriend that said, "Since you started acting like a dick, you might as well dress like one." FML
Today, my dad found condoms in my room and kicked me out of the house. I know I’m 22 but I have nowhere to go. When I told him this, he threw a rolling suitcase at me and told me, “You have somewhere to go now - your boyfriend’s house!” I don’t even have a boyfriend, just casual random hookups. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted get to know my mom, so they went off and had a chat. After an hour, I noticed my girlfriend was gone and my mom was waiting for me. Apparently I've been dumped through my mother. FML
Today, I came back from a week long class trip. My mother took it upon herself to replace my bed sheets and clean my room. Apparently, she found a note under my mattress from my ex-boyfriend. It said "For all you future dudes, Connor was here first!" FML
Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. - Mom and Dad." FML
Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said, "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML
Today, my mom barged into my room, threw 5 boxes of condoms at me, then said, "So you don't get pregnant". She still hasn't accepted the fact that I'm a lesbian. FML
Today, my boyfriend invited me over, so I went, not thinking anything of it. To my surprise, he broke up with me. I was pretty upset, and as I was leaving his mom handed me a box. When I got home, I opened it. His mom had baked me a break-up cake. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
They're just trying to fill all your empty holes.
AlexRen 21
Look on the bright side at least the vegetable can't get you pregnant.
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Comments (134)
Angelous505 5
84- sounds like an Adult Swim game to me haha
XanderJayNix 17
Because being #1 wasn't good enough?
ClaremoreZebra 8
I don't know man, I think it'd be pretty funny dressing up as a nun while drinking and running around scaring people.
deliriousbasil 0
No worries, OP is French...
spottyblanket 8
HAWT
Crazberry 5
Lol some of the comments are as funny as the fml. I'm sorry OP, I know being dumped sucked but if he dumped you then he wasn't worth it in the first place. You'll be fine :)
pimpcracker 8
hope its not one of the bigger zucchinis... if so from now on it will be like throwing a hotdog down a hallway
BrotherTheo 31
Firstly I'm sorry op that really really sucks. Breakups suck. Secondly... Freak them out. Close the door, and then begain moaning. Loudly.
hateevryone 15
That's just wrong
BoredinCbus 11
Your parents are f*cking hilarious.