Today, I've been begging my boyfriend to get us a dog for months now. This morning, I noticed he'd bought some toilet paper with dogs printed on it. I asked him if it was a sign. He replied, "Yeah, one you can stick up your ass." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I discovered my new boyfriend doesn’t have toilet paper. He has a toilet cloth, which he instructed me to rinse off in the toilet after I was done. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML
Today, my boyfriend yet again bought paper towels instead of toilet paper. I screamed myself hoarse at him, and told him to go get some toilet paper before I killed us both. He came back with coffee filters. FML
Today, coming home, I discovered that my dog had left me a beautiful mound of poop in the middle of the corridor. He'd made an effort, though: there was a roll of shredded toilet paper next to it. FML
Today, my boyfriend’s dog decided that his stomach needed a month’s supply of contacts more than I did. FML
Today, I invited my boyfriend over to meet my new puppy. My dog decided to take a dump on his lap. He is now not talking to me because he thinks I trained my dog to do that. FML
Today, I had my boyfriend come over for dinner for the first time. It was all going well until my dad started explaining to my boyfriend how to use toilet paper. He even demonstrated it. FML
Today, my boyfriend apparently lied to me when he'd said we could get a dog one day. I bought a puppy for him in secret but as soon as he saw it he was all, "What the hell is that? We’re not keeping it." It’s now with his parents, as he didn’t want it overnight or even in the house. FML
Today, I had to dig through my dog's poop again because I thought I saw a worm, but it was just the remains of the paper towels my husband leaves all over the house. My efforts to make them both stop have obviously fallen on deaf ears. FML
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Top comments
Moskaaa7 26
It's your fault for trying to get him to agree to something he clearly doesn't want.
zeffra13 31
"Begging my bf to get us a dog"? You mean "trying to convince my bf we should get a dog" right? Not begging like a little kid to make someone buy you something expensive? I love dogs but you don't sound mature enough to take care of one.
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Comments (101)
species4872 20
God you people carry on with crap.
hilamonster06 21
I know I'm a complete dick for saying this, but that's awesome. At least he has a sense of humor about it.
Weasely 11
Well I thought his joke was funny anyway.
racejunkie 4
Dump his ass!
deltax 8
rekt
ssnow_fml 20
Genius.
TJJOE 15
Hahaha that is awesome!
KIEdekka 14
Dump that jerk. He doesn't take you seriously and won't talk through his opinions and issues like a rational individual, and he doesn't want a dog. Why wouldn't he want a dog?! FYL op
psychoIogical 12
tons of children aren't 100% wanted, should they be aborted?
caggybandicoot 34
Mixed feelings here. You should respect the fact he doesn't want a dog (I know you might not like that but if you care, you'll know that begging him is unfair) but also he should be able to talk it through with you, rather than resorting to petty and childish comments like that.
soulreaper12296 28
And OP is "petty" and "childish" for begging their boyfriend for months to get one? If this has been going on for months and OP's BF has been saying no everytime, I wouldn't blame him for being so blunt about it.
caggybandicoot 34
I don't know the whole story, I'm only saying what I see - telling someone to stick something up their ass is pretty grim. I have no idea if OP has said something similar to her boyfriend. I did acknowledge that begging for a dog when he doesn't want one isn't fair. Possibly childish, petty? Not sure.
zaidthunder1 27
Your boyfriend has a wicked sense of humour.