Today, I've been begging my boyfriend to get us a dog for months now. This morning, I noticed he'd bought some toilet paper with dogs printed on it. I asked him if it was a sign. He replied, "Yeah, one you can stick up your ass." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I discovered my new boyfriend doesn’t have toilet paper. He has a toilet cloth, which he instructed me to rinse off in the toilet after I was done. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML
Today, my boyfriend yet again bought paper towels instead of toilet paper. I screamed myself hoarse at him, and told him to go get some toilet paper before I killed us both. He came back with coffee filters. FML
Today, coming home, I discovered that my dog had left me a beautiful mound of poop in the middle of the corridor. He'd made an effort, though: there was a roll of shredded toilet paper next to it. FML
Today, my boyfriend’s dog decided that his stomach needed a month’s supply of contacts more than I did. FML
Today, I invited my boyfriend over to meet my new puppy. My dog decided to take a dump on his lap. He is now not talking to me because he thinks I trained my dog to do that. FML
Today, I had my boyfriend come over for dinner for the first time. It was all going well until my dad started explaining to my boyfriend how to use toilet paper. He even demonstrated it. FML
Today, my boyfriend apparently lied to me when he'd said we could get a dog one day. I bought a puppy for him in secret but as soon as he saw it he was all, "What the hell is that? We’re not keeping it." It’s now with his parents, as he didn’t want it overnight or even in the house. FML
Today, I had to dig through my dog's poop again because I thought I saw a worm, but it was just the remains of the paper towels my husband leaves all over the house. My efforts to make them both stop have obviously fallen on deaf ears. FML
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Top comments
Moskaaa7 26
It's your fault for trying to get him to agree to something he clearly doesn't want.
zeffra13 31
"Begging my bf to get us a dog"? You mean "trying to convince my bf we should get a dog" right? Not begging like a little kid to make someone buy you something expensive? I love dogs but you don't sound mature enough to take care of one.
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Comments (101)
cj89898 24
Why does he shove toilet paper up his ass?
misspanda_fml 7
Asking the real question #13.
vOIDmASS 13
he's got a mutt up his butt
OtakuTaco 15
Today, my girlfriend once again begged me for a dog. This has been going on for months. I had to get her toilet paper with dog pictures on it so she'd get the hint. Now she's acting like a victim. FML
petalbird 10
a dog is a big responsibility that both would need to care for if you even live together (if not why you needing to beg). if you have had dogs all your life and want them continuously find a bf that wants one too
InfiniteSunshine 32
You said "I've been begging MY BOYFRIEND to get US a dog for months now." Are you not contributing to buying/getting this dog, cause that's how it sounds, which isn't right because it seems you're the one that actually wants the dog. You're asking him to buy it, but it isn't for "us," as you say, it's for you. You're basically asking him to get something that is going to have an immense impact on him, despite that he doesn't want it. I understand why he doesn't want one, dogs are a big responsibility, require a lot of sacrifice and work, and can be expensive. If you've been pestering him when he's already given a clear answer, I understand his blunt response this time around. The answer was no, accept it.
brezzyanna 17
No where does it say that she expected him to pay for it. She's been begging to get a dog, not for him to buy her one. If they live together, she can't get a dog without his agreement. Why should they not get a dog just because he doesn't want one? Can't they get a dog because she does?
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
Of course they can't. A dog is a huge commitment. Unless it gets sick or ill it's going to live for ten years or more. And it's going to be the boyfriend's responsibility in some form or other even if the girlfriend says she'll do everything. You definitely should only get a dog if both partners want one.
InfiniteSunshine 32
#59 I quoted the FML to show where it seems like the OP is asking her boyfriend to buy the dog for her. "I've been begging MY BOYFRIEND to get US a dog for months now." The "my boyfriend," "get," and "us," implies the boyfriend would be the one buying the dog. Also, no, if one partner is not in agreement to having a dog, you don't get one. This is a mutual decision because it's extra responsibility that will affect both of them. Right now, no one is negatively effected by not having a dog, the OP is living perfectly fine without one. But I bet if the boyfriend was forced into having a dog, he'd probably be pretty negatively impacted by that, whether it's financially, health wise, schedule wise, etc. This is the reason why unless both parties agree, you don't get an added extra responsibility, especially since this is purely a want, it isn't a need. Also, the dog will effect the life of the person who does not want it, and putting an innocent animal in a place where it is not FULLY wanted is just cruel. Look at it in a different situation, like with having kids. If one partner doesn't want kids, the other partner shouldn't stop taking birth control to force the issue onto their SO, that's just unfair.
nanner6206 24
sick or ill
N7Com 7
in all seriousness he is a jackass and you should dump him ..
SpyroMello 29
For not wanting a dog? Maybe they can't afford it, dogs are very expensive to take care of and aren't a one year thing. Maybe he's allergic. Maybe he just isn't an animal person. Breaking up should be over something serious, not because a whiny girl couldn't get what she wanted.
RageWolf16 31
Honestly if someone wouldn't agree to get a dog it'd be a deal-breaker for me lol
Oceanborn_fml 24
Honestly, if someone was so inconsiderate to force something I don't want on me that would hugely affect my life that would be a dealbreaker.
DoomedGemini 38
If they broke up with you they wouldn't be forcing it on you..
ThisSavageC 4
cuz ur gay
Mathalamus 25
well, that's a decidedly hostile response. i guess you wont be getting any dogs. if he doesn't want a dog, that's his right.
brezzyanna 17
If she wants a dog, that's her right too.
psychoIogical 12
why are people thumbing down brezzyanna? that IS her right.
Kitsi 14
So,regardless of if he wants a dog or not...he had no right or reason to stoop to that level of disrespect. If you are making a life with someone and supposedly love someone,you do not treat them like that. Real,mature,healthy relationships take communication and RESPECT. You can (and will) disagree about things, that is a given. How you handle it says everything about how much you value your relationship and partner.
Bibliovore 26
On the one hand, #23, I agree. On the other hand, we don't know what the boyfriend's responses have been to OP's however many previous attempts during the months-long begging, just that OP apparently hasn't been respecting HIS responses. Maybe he's been polite and respectful to this point and it hasn't worked and he's sick of it. Still not the best response on his part, certainly, but OP's months of begging sounds well under par, too.
catherinecas 30
It's a pretty ******* funny comeback. And there are a ton of relationships that thrive on shit-talking each other (This is mutual shittalking and not abuse. Like when my grandparents call each Missy Bitchy and Lord Lardy. They mean it lovingly and it's hilarious).
CaptainSmith28 19
That comment was well thought out and I can appreciate that
crazyindynathan 13
I liked his set-up, but if you really want a dog, it sounds like you will need a different relationship.