Today, I've been begging my boyfriend to get us a dog for months now. This morning, I noticed he'd bought some toilet paper with dogs printed on it. I asked him if it was a sign. He replied, "Yeah, one you can stick up your ass." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I discovered my new boyfriend doesn’t have toilet paper. He has a toilet cloth, which he instructed me to rinse off in the toilet after I was done. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML
Today, my boyfriend yet again bought paper towels instead of toilet paper. I screamed myself hoarse at him, and told him to go get some toilet paper before I killed us both. He came back with coffee filters. FML
Today, coming home, I discovered that my dog had left me a beautiful mound of poop in the middle of the corridor. He'd made an effort, though: there was a roll of shredded toilet paper next to it. FML
Today, my boyfriend’s dog decided that his stomach needed a month’s supply of contacts more than I did. FML
Today, I invited my boyfriend over to meet my new puppy. My dog decided to take a dump on his lap. He is now not talking to me because he thinks I trained my dog to do that. FML
Today, I had my boyfriend come over for dinner for the first time. It was all going well until my dad started explaining to my boyfriend how to use toilet paper. He even demonstrated it. FML
Today, my boyfriend apparently lied to me when he'd said we could get a dog one day. I bought a puppy for him in secret but as soon as he saw it he was all, "What the hell is that? We’re not keeping it." It’s now with his parents, as he didn’t want it overnight or even in the house. FML
Today, I had to dig through my dog's poop again because I thought I saw a worm, but it was just the remains of the paper towels my husband leaves all over the house. My efforts to make them both stop have obviously fallen on deaf ears. FML
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Top comments
Moskaaa7 26
It's your fault for trying to get him to agree to something he clearly doesn't want.
zeffra13 31
"Begging my bf to get us a dog"? You mean "trying to convince my bf we should get a dog" right? Not begging like a little kid to make someone buy you something expensive? I love dogs but you don't sound mature enough to take care of one.
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Comments (101)
xTommytheGUNx 15
my friend had a similar argument with his gf and she bought "him" a puppy which he can't have were he lives.
Handerson 4
Dogs are for life, please don't get one until you break up/get bored with it then give it to a kennel
insideoutsider 6
fbothyourlives if you aren't on his level with even your humor. I would have told him that I'd just use it to blow instead, he can shove it up his ass while he thinks of all the blows he's missing. But I personally wouldn't be forcing something he obviously doesn't want. Maybe that's your way to manipulate him, mine would be to tell him what I want then immediately give him what he wants, and what man doesn't want a good blow as often as he can get it, especially when he doesn't even know he's in the running for one. Works for me, but wugat do I know, I've just been married over twenty years to the happiest man I've ever know because he knows if momma ain't happy, nobody's happy and he loves to be happy. I hope this is a new relationship and you don't waste the only thing that is irreplaceable- time, because if not and this has been a long-term thing, you've been beating a dead horse long enough (or maybe he has and that's why you don't have a puppy). Time to pull your big girl panties up, move out, move on, and get your own damn dog. Your perfect someone's out there for you, someone that wants a dog and doesn't have an awesome sense of humor either. Watch out though, they're pretty anoying when they whine constantly about stupid shit, just a heads up. Good luck op!
momac86 17
Get a dog and dump the loser
1Cent 3
As usual the fmlers trying to make a guy seem like he's in the wrong here.. telling somebody to dump their bf without any explanation. Interesting though..wasn't there an fml about a guy who gave his gf a cat as a present but got dumped afterward? Of course people were telling the guy "YDI! having a pet is a huge responsibility, or I don't blame her" but in this case the guy doesn't want the dog yet he is in the wrong here? get the hell out of here..
sparkledoge 29
So glad to see some people make sense here, when it's a guy he's always wrong but when it's a girl she's never wrong and it's still the guy's fault. To the point where, in a previous FML, a girl who'd just broken up hit the guy's dog with her car and people were still saying it was his fault somehow. It's crazy.
Sayeret_Matkal 18
Good ol' double standard. We're all a victim of it.
JamJamz 6
What a dick. Dump him and get a dog.
stasyrene 14
My question is, where did he get toilet paper with dogs on it?!
KarmaMuthafucka 4
Dump that disrespectful Shit.
kingdomgirl94 29
That's a little harsh of him... maybe you've been getting too pushy with it. Either that or he's a douche.
GamingTroller101 12
Well he isn't wrong