Today, I'm on a 14-hour flight, stuck next to a large man whose rancid body odor is eclipsed only by his constant flatulence, which he loudly blames on me every time. On my other side is his friend who laughs like a moose at everything. There are no empty seats and no-one will trade with me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was on a 12-hour transatlantic flight. I asked the flight attendant where the rancid smell was coming from. The guy sitting next to me started laughing, saying, "Sorry, something I ate is not agreeing with me." This was hour one of the flight. FML
Today, on the airplane, the kid behind me kicked my seat hundreds of times, while the big bald guy next to me farted deadly ones repeatedly. I was on a non-stop 14-hour flight. FML
Today, I'm on a 16 hour flight. Five minutes in, the lady on one side has clipped her toenails onto me and the guy on the other side has the most horrific gas I have ever smelled. To help this problem he bought a cheese plate from the stewardess. 15 hours and 55 minutes to go. FML
Today, I boarded my flight and sat next to a man. I told him I had hoped he was a hot woman and he concurred. He said at least I wasn't obese and I replied "At least you aren't smelly". Minutes later I realize he had the most disgusting foot odour ever... the barefoot kind. I suffered for 11 hours. FML
Today, I had a several-hour-long flight. I was put in a seat at the very back of the plane. Before the plane even lifted off, a woman took a dump in the bathroom that I stank for the rest of the flight. Whenever I tried to get some sleep, the flight attendant walked past, savagely jostling me. FML
Today, I'm in the middle seat on a flight to Dallas. The guy on the aisle is sleeping with his mouth open and I can smell his breath. I feel nauseous. FML
Today, I discovered the worst possible situation in which to get explosive diarrhea: on a 9-hour transatlantic flight. Next to an attractive single guy. FML
Today, I have an eight hour transatlantic flight and the person sitting next to me has already filled his third sick bag. This wouldn't be quite so bad were we not still at the terminal with passengers still boarding the plane. FML
Today, I spent 6 hours on an airplane next to an alcoholic Pink Floyd fanatic. I must've drifted off because when I took a trip to the bathroom I noticed that my pant leg that had been closest to the drunk man was soaking wet. I returned to my seat. He was on his side, facing me. I smelt the wet spot. Not beer. FML
Today, I was at the airport walking around, killing time. There was a man about twenty years older than me who kept on eyeballing me, and it really wasn't flattering. I get on the plane and guess who I get to sit next to. FML
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Top comments
klutzyduck1 24
Why would anyone trade with you, really? I sympathize with you, having to sit there for so long. However, no one in their right mind would willing sacrifice themselves to it either.
doemetoch 28
Can't the two friends at least sit together, without having you in between them? That's just rude, forcing a stranger to be in the middle of their jokes and conversations.
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Comments (33)
klutzyduck1 24
Why would anyone trade with you, really? I sympathize with you, having to sit there for so long. However, no one in their right mind would willing sacrifice themselves to it either.
itssnotfunny 24
I mean you can try and get in a good mood and just laugh with your friend(:
zaidthunder1 27
Well it's his friend, not OP's.
itssnotfunny 24
I mean you can always make new friends, laughing with anybody is always fun(:
slackoffalready 3
Try that with Hitler.
zaidthunder1 27
I wouldn't blame anyone else for not wanting to trade seats with you. FYL, OP.
hellnosucka 27
it even seems that his own friend wouldn't sit next to him.
doemetoch 28
Can't the two friends at least sit together, without having you in between them? That's just rude, forcing a stranger to be in the middle of their jokes and conversations.
takara98 17
Can you blame them ? Sorry for your misfortune, but who would willingly switch seats next to a large man with a rancid odor.
rockydify 22
Put your head down. And ignore them. Just get on with it.
xx000o 27
By tomorrow it will be over, in ten years you won't even remember what happened.
ragnarok1540 39
You should have complained to the crew before the flight left. A man on a Jazz Air flight in 2010 was removed from the plane because of passengers complaining about his offensive body odor ...
DrHeartSurgeon 15
I think you mean annoying or disgusting. I can't think of how an odor would offend someone lol
GhostFox 34
By smelling bad- that's how an 'odor' would offend someone. Offensive means "unpleasant." Rancid is used to describe things that smell unpleasant. Ergo, "rancid" body odor is offensive. This is basic English. Maybe the next time you don't understand a word you should look it up BEFORE you make an ass out of yourself trying to 'correct' someone who used a word correctly. That said, I hope you aren't truly a heart surgeon, because I have the feeling that you trying to explain a procedure would be unintelligible.
rjh7428 10
Dude it's a 15 year old. This is the Internet, and grammar and vocabulary really aren't that serious.
littlekellilee 45
I would argue it's more serious on the Internet because you're forced to use only words to convey a point, full of your personality, tone, and expression. And considering the person in question is 15, he most likely is the person who has most recently learnt about all such things, so he should arguably be best at it.
rydersmomma16 21
*Mic drop
Atmey 5
Yeah, I once traded so a daughter can sit with her parents, I still regret it to today when I sat next to a body builder and a fat woman
DrHeartSurgeon 15
Maybe the flight attendant will sympathize and find an empty seat in business or first class. Sometimes they will do that. Idk if it is financially possible for you but booking in first class alleviates headaches like long lines and slobby passengers
nicosdc 9
unfortunately not everyone is a heart surgeon