Today, I'm on a 14-hour flight, stuck next to a large man whose rancid body odor is eclipsed only by his constant flatulence, which he loudly blames on me every time. On my other side is his friend who laughs like a moose at everything. There are no empty seats and no-one will trade with me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was on a 12-hour transatlantic flight. I asked the flight attendant where the rancid smell was coming from. The guy sitting next to me started laughing, saying, "Sorry, something I ate is not agreeing with me." This was hour one of the flight. FML
Today, on the airplane, the kid behind me kicked my seat hundreds of times, while the big bald guy next to me farted deadly ones repeatedly. I was on a non-stop 14-hour flight. FML
Today, I'm on a 16 hour flight. Five minutes in, the lady on one side has clipped her toenails onto me and the guy on the other side has the most horrific gas I have ever smelled. To help this problem he bought a cheese plate from the stewardess. 15 hours and 55 minutes to go. FML
Today, I boarded my flight and sat next to a man. I told him I had hoped he was a hot woman and he concurred. He said at least I wasn't obese and I replied "At least you aren't smelly". Minutes later I realize he had the most disgusting foot odour ever... the barefoot kind. I suffered for 11 hours. FML
Today, I had a several-hour-long flight. I was put in a seat at the very back of the plane. Before the plane even lifted off, a woman took a dump in the bathroom that I stank for the rest of the flight. Whenever I tried to get some sleep, the flight attendant walked past, savagely jostling me. FML
Today, I'm in the middle seat on a flight to Dallas. The guy on the aisle is sleeping with his mouth open and I can smell his breath. I feel nauseous. FML
Today, I discovered the worst possible situation in which to get explosive diarrhea: on a 9-hour transatlantic flight. Next to an attractive single guy. FML
Today, I have an eight hour transatlantic flight and the person sitting next to me has already filled his third sick bag. This wouldn't be quite so bad were we not still at the terminal with passengers still boarding the plane. FML
Today, I spent 6 hours on an airplane next to an alcoholic Pink Floyd fanatic. I must've drifted off because when I took a trip to the bathroom I noticed that my pant leg that had been closest to the drunk man was soaking wet. I returned to my seat. He was on his side, facing me. I smelt the wet spot. Not beer. FML
Today, I was at the airport walking around, killing time. There was a man about twenty years older than me who kept on eyeballing me, and it really wasn't flattering. I get on the plane and guess who I get to sit next to. FML
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Top comments
klutzyduck1 24
Why would anyone trade with you, really? I sympathize with you, having to sit there for so long. However, no one in their right mind would willing sacrifice themselves to it either.
doemetoch 28
Can't the two friends at least sit together, without having you in between them? That's just rude, forcing a stranger to be in the middle of their jokes and conversations.
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Comments (33)
Casual_Cthulhu 12
What does a laughing moose sound like?
Gazerman100 13
Clearly the only logical solution is to jump out of the plane
KaylaTackett 18
You'd think it would be common sense to shower before getting on such a long packed flight. And blaming you for his nasty ass farts?? I would have complained. Sorry OP. Hopefully he and his friend weren't like that for the whole flight.
nonamebranding 12
I wouldn't trade you either
Phats 10
I once traded my seat on an 11 hour flight, so two friends could sit together and quit talking across me. The new seat was narrower than my original aisle one and next to a guy who pretty much overflowed from his seat onto mine. I won't do that again.
fonkimonki 7
Perhaps you can use your phone enough to bring the plane down. That sounds better than 14 hours of agony
Shaky_Spear 11
I think I'd rather nail my testicles to a saw blade than be in that situation. FYL.
Pamcaked314 2
How does a moose laugh?
heatherrr17 19
I can just picture this lol
Phoenix157 3
yould you trade with you?