Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
Today, my strictly religious parents found my vibrator. I’m a man and when they found out I masturbate with a penis shaped vibe up my ass they went Catholic nuclear on me. I'm trying to ignore them but they have sent up camp in my living room and refuse to go home. FML
Today, I got home from my vacation. The last few days of my trip, I stayed at my father's house. I was having trouble sleeping last night so I decided to use a little "discreet" vibrator that I travel with. When I unpacked back home, I realized I'd forgotten the vibrator in my bed at my father's house. I'm mortified. FML
Today, my fiancé and I are house-sitting for my future in-laws for the next 3 weeks. They left a bible in both bedrooms, along with printouts of an article denouncing the "sin" of premarital sex. They're such complete whack-jobs, I wouldn't be surprised if they've set up hidden cameras everywhere too. FML
Today, I had to sit outside with nothing but a large bottle of wine to keep me company and no way to block out the sounds of my cousins loudly having sex with my two roommates upstairs. FML
Today, I have to pack for tomorrow's family vacation. For one week I get to be stuck in a one bedroom cabin with my alcoholic father, bipolar mother, and two much younger siblings who have a passion for screaming. FML
Today, it's the first day that my overbearing and too-controlling parents are gone on a 2-week-long vacation, trusting me enough to take care of the house while they're gone. So far, I've broken a plate (it was in the microwave less than a minute before it exploded) and the power's gone out. Bad omens? FML
Today, after coming home from a long day at work, I found out that in a house full of five adults, some rules still need to be set. The newest addition to the rules? No watching porn and jerking off in the living room. FML
Today, my parents left on vacation for the week. Taking advantage of my freedom, I was planning on having my boyfriend over. My grandparents just showed up as they "thought I would be lonely." I can't get rid of them. Looks like I'm not having any fun this week. FML
Today, my parents searched my room because yesterday they found one of my friends vapes in my bag, which they made me return. Sadly, they found a box vape with 2 e-juices and gave me a talking to. So now, I'm never allowed out of the house until I'm 18 (I'm 14 right now) and I'm never allowed friends over. Also, they're really mean. FML
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Top comments
TopBanana20 11
It's two weeks -_-. Get a grip. I think you can survive two weeks without any of that stuff.
AninOnin 24
Go buy some?
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Comments (229)
dryersheet 11
If I were you, I'd be a LOT more concerned about how your in-laws are keeping track of your sexual activities.
fuzzbuck1 4
U have a finger right?
xcountrygirlx 8
their house, their rules. op, I really feel you need to learn some self control. two weeks isn't that long. I'm sure you can drive somewhere if you are that desperate.
haze10baby 3
I really don't think it'll be that bad... Suck it up maybe? But if you can't resist, why not go buy them??
johnny_derp 3
the amount of YDI's on this is disgusting. yeah, how dare a woman have sexual needs! those are for us menfolk!
captain__jj 5
The YDIs are probably due to the fact that OP is too stupid to remember her battery pack than the fact that she's horny.
johnny_derp 3
that's still pretty stupid. she probably assumed they were already in the vibrator. you and I both know that this would have less than half the YDI's if it were a man. don't even try to deny it. not only that, but there are hardly any comments about the batteries... only comments criticizing the OP for not wanting to go 2 weeks without sexual activity. if the gender said "male" everyone would be coddling him and telling him what a bitch the mother in law was.
SpLo0gIeR 9
What are the in-laws gonna do catch them? Even if they did what are they gonna do ground them?
rebelliousshroom 12
I think the real FML here is that OP doesn't know how to ********** with her fingers, at least not very well. For a woman with such insisting sexual urges, that's really surprising. She probably got a vibrator way too early. Learn to walk before your run! As for the husband issue: The only way this FML makes sense, is that the in-laws make them sleep in different bedrooms. I have actually heard of that in cases where the couple isn't married. In this case it's just strange, though.
FlyingPie 17
It sounds like you're going to be at your in-laws' house without your husband, so I'm confused about why they bothered to mention sexual stuff? I guess if I were them, I wouldn't really want to know if a guest masturbated in my house, but if you do so quietly so they won't know, what they don't know wouldn't hurt them, right? That said, I do agree that it shouldn't be that difficult to go 2 weeks without masturbating.
alishous 8
I think you'll be fine, plus it's their house, be respectful and follow their rules
ilovefall10 21
Boo hoo hoo. I do neither of that stuff and I'm perfectly sane.