Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
Today, my strictly religious parents found my vibrator. I’m a man and when they found out I masturbate with a penis shaped vibe up my ass they went Catholic nuclear on me. I'm trying to ignore them but they have sent up camp in my living room and refuse to go home. FML
Today, I got home from my vacation. The last few days of my trip, I stayed at my father's house. I was having trouble sleeping last night so I decided to use a little "discreet" vibrator that I travel with. When I unpacked back home, I realized I'd forgotten the vibrator in my bed at my father's house. I'm mortified. FML
Today, my fiancé and I are house-sitting for my future in-laws for the next 3 weeks. They left a bible in both bedrooms, along with printouts of an article denouncing the "sin" of premarital sex. They're such complete whack-jobs, I wouldn't be surprised if they've set up hidden cameras everywhere too. FML
Today, I had to sit outside with nothing but a large bottle of wine to keep me company and no way to block out the sounds of my cousins loudly having sex with my two roommates upstairs. FML
Today, I have to pack for tomorrow's family vacation. For one week I get to be stuck in a one bedroom cabin with my alcoholic father, bipolar mother, and two much younger siblings who have a passion for screaming. FML
Today, it's the first day that my overbearing and too-controlling parents are gone on a 2-week-long vacation, trusting me enough to take care of the house while they're gone. So far, I've broken a plate (it was in the microwave less than a minute before it exploded) and the power's gone out. Bad omens? FML
Today, after coming home from a long day at work, I found out that in a house full of five adults, some rules still need to be set. The newest addition to the rules? No watching porn and jerking off in the living room. FML
Today, my parents left on vacation for the week. Taking advantage of my freedom, I was planning on having my boyfriend over. My grandparents just showed up as they "thought I would be lonely." I can't get rid of them. Looks like I'm not having any fun this week. FML
Today, my parents searched my room because yesterday they found one of my friends vapes in my bag, which they made me return. Sadly, they found a box vape with 2 e-juices and gave me a talking to. So now, I'm never allowed out of the house until I'm 18 (I'm 14 right now) and I'm never allowed friends over. Also, they're really mean. FML
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Top comments
TopBanana20 11
It's two weeks -_-. Get a grip. I think you can survive two weeks without any of that stuff.
AninOnin 24
Go buy some?
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Comments (229)
alwayswinning123 7
Batteries aren't that hard to get, just buy some
wanderingshopper 13
So, guess you'll have to take care of business by hand. Get it? By HAND???? Lololol!
kprando25 8
That was so funny I forgot to laugh.
SunAndMoon427 12
If you can't go two weeks that's pretty sad, yeah it might suck but, uh, wouldn't it be better after those two weeks? I know it is for me after going an extended period of time.
nfjskcbdkdjdjdn 2
Um, you know you have hands, right? It isn't that much harder.
CheeseHater 23
Seriously, who thinks she deserves this? Okay that she was stupid and forgot the batteries, but that could happen to anyone, just a simple human flaw. It's ****** up to not release your sexual urges in two weeks. However I wouldn't tell the people I live with that I'm going to fap, I do it with a closed and locked door and hide it so it doesn't really matter if they wouldn't approve.
Shadow_Phantom 26
I think the bigger FML here is that there are still people who are still so old-fashioned that they think this way is "normal." FYL, OP.
907frostygirl 18
Everyone's normal is different, just because you do not live your life that way doesn't mean they should and vise versa.
RedPillSucks 33
We can't all be Bonobos
beautycrush495 10
This is when u improvise ... Did they ban quickies in the car ? Use at a chance to spice up ur sex life
akiahara 14
that's when you say that you're going to be an adult and go out to do the things they don't like away from their home. go to a bar, go have sex in a car, or a park, whatever. you should respect their wishes in their home but there's no reason for you to act like a child.
ClassyCommando 13
That all sounds like stuff teenagers would do, not adults.
caitiebug1119 15
Two weeks. You can survive. And besides, God equipped women with the greatest sex toy: the ******** and an index finger.
j_cat187 20
You have fingers right?