Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
Today, my strictly religious parents found my vibrator. I’m a man and when they found out I masturbate with a penis shaped vibe up my ass they went Catholic nuclear on me. I'm trying to ignore them but they have sent up camp in my living room and refuse to go home. FML
Today, I got home from my vacation. The last few days of my trip, I stayed at my father's house. I was having trouble sleeping last night so I decided to use a little "discreet" vibrator that I travel with. When I unpacked back home, I realized I'd forgotten the vibrator in my bed at my father's house. I'm mortified. FML
Today, my fiancé and I are house-sitting for my future in-laws for the next 3 weeks. They left a bible in both bedrooms, along with printouts of an article denouncing the "sin" of premarital sex. They're such complete whack-jobs, I wouldn't be surprised if they've set up hidden cameras everywhere too. FML
Today, I had to sit outside with nothing but a large bottle of wine to keep me company and no way to block out the sounds of my cousins loudly having sex with my two roommates upstairs. FML
Today, I have to pack for tomorrow's family vacation. For one week I get to be stuck in a one bedroom cabin with my alcoholic father, bipolar mother, and two much younger siblings who have a passion for screaming. FML
Today, it's the first day that my overbearing and too-controlling parents are gone on a 2-week-long vacation, trusting me enough to take care of the house while they're gone. So far, I've broken a plate (it was in the microwave less than a minute before it exploded) and the power's gone out. Bad omens? FML
Today, after coming home from a long day at work, I found out that in a house full of five adults, some rules still need to be set. The newest addition to the rules? No watching porn and jerking off in the living room. FML
Today, my parents left on vacation for the week. Taking advantage of my freedom, I was planning on having my boyfriend over. My grandparents just showed up as they "thought I would be lonely." I can't get rid of them. Looks like I'm not having any fun this week. FML
Today, my parents searched my room because yesterday they found one of my friends vapes in my bag, which they made me return. Sadly, they found a box vape with 2 e-juices and gave me a talking to. So now, I'm never allowed out of the house until I'm 18 (I'm 14 right now) and I'm never allowed friends over. Also, they're really mean. FML
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Top comments
TopBanana20 11
It's two weeks -_-. Get a grip. I think you can survive two weeks without any of that stuff.
AninOnin 24
Go buy some?
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Comments (229)
TheyCallMeDamien 18
Next time get a hotel.
ClassyCommando 13
I wasn't trying to say that Ezio is Noor's father-in-law, I meant that Ezio would be one of the in-laws from the story if this was indeed Noor's house.
crazy4uboi 6
You can't go two weeks without drinking, smoking, swearing, and anything sexual...
RedPillSucks 33
I suspect Noor looks at Ezio with something other than daughter devotion.
RedPillSucks 33
Tell them that female masturbation isn't a sin, according to the bible, because no "seed" is spilled, then make loud moaning noises from your room. Don't forget to shout "Oh GOD!!" several times. *runs and hides from angry mob*
nkklllll 4
But lustful thoughts are a sin . . . I don't know about you but sexual satisfaction usually involves sexual (lustful) thoughts.
SUPA_TOLL_CAL 6
of course she ment her toy lightsaber.
welsea28 6
Isn't your husband with you, just do it with him and not scream or moan loudly.
drller331 4
Just go home ... Damn
athos1237 4
Good grief if its that big of a deal and you hate the rules of their home rent a hotel room. Respect their home like you want your home respected. You don't have to agree or like it, but it's their beliefs. Be adult enough to deal with it instead of trying to ridicule their beliefs.
johnny_derp 3
I like how people downvote my comments because they're true. people wouldn't be giving OP an eighth of the shit they are giving her if she were a man. I've seen it before. stop lying to yourselves.